It's fine, [janus says, which they belatedly realize sounds indifferent instead of forgiving, but they aren't sure what to do about that besides turn back time. if they could be any stiffer, they would probably crack in their bones right where they stand now.] I mean, I haven't used makeup since I was in high school, so it was an, [how to put this diplomatically,] intellectual interest, [no,] or-- you could call it academic.

[no. it takes janus a bit too long to realize that he's shaking their hand too long. it's fine. they release when he does. they decide that he looks tired and off-center as well.]

I just haven't met a lot of people who had similar interests, and, [proclivities? leanings. gender identity. flashback to trying to describe themself to ezekiel when they were sixteen, the clumsy metaphor of a sword, all purity of purpose, without gender, the fluidity that came with performance. it seems silly now, their world gone, talking to a martian who matter-of-factly lost his lipstick and also matter-of-factly had a fake husband they were clearly super into in a not fake way.] The cultural difference seems meaningful, [they finish, lamely.]