[kavinsky and the husky lurch a bit, in unison. the right-hand corner of the couch manages to hump past the doorframe. but then the furniture dips, and the nearmost leg promptly gets wedged in the jamb. kavinsky swears colorfully. he is maybe regretting not doing as his mother asked, he should have been better at the gym, he should have put on more muscle. should haves! hindsight! this is what all of our parents are trying to protect us from.
although most of our mothers are not hundreds-years-old vampires who could actually pick up this couch with one hand.]
Number-- one. Size matters. Number two, the vagina is technically capable of expanding to accommodate an average of like, twelve inches of penetrative— content, [kavinsky braces, and lifts the back end again.] So be a feminist, man.
[it is utter nonsense. but it's the kind of nonsense you probably shouldn't start laughing at right now because otherwise the couch will fall and crush, minimally, a dog daemon. possibly also two humans. could tear a hole in the bottom of the world and they'll fall out into the beyond, pre-empting the apocalypse.]
cw sexual vulgarity
although most of our mothers are not hundreds-years-old vampires who could actually pick up this couch with one hand.]
Number-- one. Size matters. Number two, the vagina is technically capable of expanding to accommodate an average of like, twelve inches of penetrative— content, [kavinsky braces, and lifts the back end again.] So be a feminist, man.
[it is utter nonsense. but it's the kind of nonsense you probably shouldn't start laughing at right now because otherwise the couch will fall and crush, minimally, a dog daemon. possibly also two humans. could tear a hole in the bottom of the world and they'll fall out into the beyond, pre-empting the apocalypse.]