xistentia | daemon: Wildd | NSFW daemon commentary

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arthur stuart (velvet goldmine)

daemon: Wildd | NSFW daemon commentary

RAINBOW MEME

Preferred Alias: Arthur

RED - Something about yesterday: I had coffee and toast for breakfast. I'm not very interesting.
ORANGE - Something you do well: [this space was initially left blank, helpfully filled in by Wildd:] Performing oral sex
YELLOW - Something about your childhood: I frequently found myself in trouble at primary school for daydreaming, and once for kissing another boy during lunch.
GREEN - Something you learned last week: How to make Long Island iced tea.
BLUE - Something you can't live without: Music.
INDIGO - Something you watch: I used to watch the news, but only because it's what my dad always had on.
VIOLET - Something you listen to: Gimme Danger.
Ask Me About My Rainbow

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[being nearly as shy as Arthur, Amanda has a feeling at least some of that wasn't voluntary. It's making her reconsider reverting every change she makes to Graced for testing purposes]

You know, if you wanted, I could probably turn off the function that lets it do that without your permission.

[avoid the topic of boys they want to be doing things with and can't. Yeah, that will last]

[At first, Arthur doesn't understand the message from Amanda, although he's happy to hear from her--and, admittedly, a little guilty that he hasn't reached out to her before now. Then, his eyes flicker back up to the message he posted (or, the one he thought he posted), and a wave of horror washes over him as he realizes what's actually written there.]

oh god oh god oh god how did that happen
I didn't say that I'd never say that in public
oh god how am I going to show my face anywhere again
how does that even
how did it GET there???
It doesn't even have hands how can the bloody thing write an entire sentence

[if she weren't nearly as anxious at times--and under really ridiculous circumstances if she thinks about it, considering she didn't let herself freak out when aliens were attacking the ship she was on but did around the man she liked--Amanda would laugh. But she is, so she doesn't]

I wish being able to change their behaviors meant I completely understand them, but I don't. Which is why I keep reminding Graced I could render her into the equivalent of a toaster if I wanted to.

But hey, remember how many people here are from Eudio. I don't think too many people will care. And most of them could probably have equally revealing things shared about them.

I think I'd like some toast. A lot of toast. Toast can't share intimate information with the entire bloody settlement.

It's not even really the oversharing though
I just
I don't
I'm not
I don't even know where it got the idea that I'm.

[Okay, that's a lie; Wildd was actually there the last time he engaged in that particular activity. He just hadn't realized it had been paying attention.]

I'll admit I like to but I'm not good at anything including....that.
It's not that I think anyone will judge me it's that I don't want to sound like a self-congratulatory prat

[yeah, she'd probably be about that rambly if it were her. She knows Graced has seen...things she hopes weren't recorded. It's bad enough living with a vampire who is also kind of an asshole about those kind of things]

Okay, I obviously can't speak about that, but I know you're good at some things. Don't talk yourself down like that.

[pot. kettle. Although she at least says she's 'pretty good' and will puff herself up about some things when it comes to her work since it's what she has]

Maybe that was it's roundabout way of saying the same thing. Or just being obnoxious as some of them seem to be when they get in the mood

[yes, a certain parrot is being reminded all but her most essential functions could be at least temporarily shut down if she pulls the same trick]

can't help it. I'm the resident brit. I'm allergic to talking myself up even if it were true.

What I don't understand is how a bloody bird would know one way or the other. Beaks and...the referenced activities seem to be mutually exclusive.

Fair enough. I'm still getting used to it, the shy geek girl thing takes a bit to wear off. I'll blame Kavinsky for not putting up with that from me as much.

I prefer not to think about it too hard, otherwise there will be images I am never getting out of my mind.

I think I'd rather think about bird sexuality than what everyone's bound to think of me after they read this.

[The worst part is they wouldn't even be wrong--he really is that easy, no matter how ashamed he is to admit it to himself. Just as quickly as the thought surfaces, though, he thinks of Mandy. How she'd look at him if he voiced any of these concerns to her, like she wouldn't be ashamed of him even if he slept his way through the entire settlement.

It doesn't exactly make him any less embarrassed, but at least it mitigates the constant edge of fear somewhat--that no matter how far away he gets from Manchester, his father is never more than a door away, ready to burst in with voice and fists raised and berate him for his behavior. Here, hardly anyone even gives his proclivities a second thought, or if they do it's because they're trying to pull him.

It's a lot like it had been when he first arrived in London, only even more nonchalant. As though it's not even an issue at all--as though most of the people he's met don't understand why anyone would object to it in the first place.]

sorry. i don't mean to get morose. this just isn't exactly how I wanted to spend my morning.

Edited 2017-11-02 23:11 (UTC)

[Amanda knows she can't speak on that; what she dealt with at home regarding her sexuality, or more the fact people assumed she didn't have one just because of her body, was awful but a different kind of awful. So she doesn't know the right words to say--she never does, but less so about this--to try to make it better.

She can't, she knows. No one could have made what she experienced better, and not just because they couldn't fix her body, and she doesn't think anyone could really make whatever Arthur dealt with better either]

It's okay. I can't say I get it entirely, but I'd be pretty upset if something like that happened to me. I get they're not always going to act in ways we want, and sometimes it might just be them glitching out, but it's still an invasion of privacy when it happens.

Judging by the look I'm getting as I'm writing this, I think it's pleased with itself.

I suppose a bird wouldn't have a reason to find this sort of thing embarrassing, though.

[There's a part of him that wants to tell her all of it, the whole awful story of the last time someone caught him with his trousers down, but he's had enough public embarrassment for several lifetimes. Later, when beady dark eyes aren't staring expectantly up at him from a little feathery head.]

[Amanda would get that; she's tempted to at least try to relate a bit by talking about some of the crap she dealt with back home, the incredibly distasteful jokes about 'sucking' some people made when they saw her using the straw to move her chair, but that's not anymore comfortable, and again not a conversation that should be had like this]

Probably not. Especially not a bird who is an embodiment of a computer program. It doesn't have the cultural context to get it. I sort of envy them for that.

[that Graced probably doesn't get why she wakes up some nights from nightmares where she can't move her legs or breathe and then has to spend a long time in front of a mirror to reassure herself it was just that]

[oh jesus. Mandy wouldn't be bothered by Gildad doing anything like this herself--she's had enough that was public knowledge, that she put out there herself--but she knows Arthur is too much of a Brit among his other issues to not be freaked out by this.

So she won't laugh, like she would at nearly anyone else. If nothing else, that song hits her too hard to make laughter possible and it makes the other things nearly forgettable]

That reminds me I need to play Marianne Faithfull's comeback album for you sometime. It's not quite that passionate, but it's still gritty enough that I think it would be your speed

[because another junkie who, even if she's not out of the life yet, is still somehow keeping going and making things that have a gritty beauty to them, and it avoids directly talking about why that song still makes her heart break while not ignoring that it was mentioned entirely]

[As if on cue, a moment after his mind turned to her, Mandy has left a comment for him--and, as he'd imagined, it's not mocking in the slightest. He's so tied up in the humiliation of the second question that he almost forgets his answer to the last one, but the careful sidestepping of it hurls it back into the front of his head, and suddenly none of it seems to matter next to what they both know is missing.]

I'm not convinced anyone but him's ever been that passionate. or ever will be again.

[There's no one in this or any world who's as uniquely, beautifully raw as Curt Wild--except maybe Mandy herself.]

I'd like that very much, though. I left half my records in Manchester and another quarter of them in Eudio; I've been wanting to start rebuilding my collection.

Edited (bleh sorry for your inbox!) 2017-11-02 23:32 (UTC)

[even when she was still wrapped up in Brian, Mandy wouldn't have been able to argue with that. She'd seen it that first time, when Curt was still caught up in the junk but in spite of that the most intense performer she'd seen, and nothing had really topped that since]

Yeah. I haven't seen anyone come close to touching what he did.

[she wouldn't know what to say if Arthur actually compared her out loud to Curt in that fashion. Yeah, they both survived like stubborn cockroaches to spite Brian and everyone else, but that's all they've got in common, aside from the shared heartbreak that somehow made them friends. She's the brash American too, but Curt made it something people stared at because it took their breath away, not because it made them laugh]

Not a problem. I may still be far behind the times of a lot of people here, but I do have a decade to catch you up on. Not a lot of it's been great, but there have been a few standouts.

Edited 2017-11-02 23:50 (UTC)

[I miss him. I wonder what he'd think of this. I wonder if ever thinks of me. I wonder if he even remembers my name.

There are a thousand things Arthur wants to say, none of them appropriate and most of them needy and fanatical, exactly the kind of behavior he's trying to avoid.]

I think if I tried to put it into words, I wouldn't do him justice. I think most really good musicians are like that, though.

[oddly, if he said those things, Mandy could probably echo some of them. She knows that she'll never say it, because she can scarcely admit it to herself, but she's probably been half in love with Curt in a less than platonic way since things fell apart and he was the only one who really stuck around to help her get a few pieces put back in place.

Which is a whole other can of worms she is never, ever opening]

They should be, yeah. They have to be something you have to experience for yourself. Which, while it makes them a bloody nightmare to promote, makes it all the more exciting when people do experience them and see what you did.

[Curt, Brian, there's so many names she could list who aren't here and maybe not people besides she and Arthur would name who are indescribable even in genre, who you just have to hear and see and feel for yourself.]

I've thought about being a music promoter.
I'm not sure I could handle the stress, but I can't sing worth a damn and I love music, so it seemed like an option that would allow me to be involved without having to show my (lack of) talents.

But it seems exhausting.

[And what an understatement that is. It's more than exhausting--he can tell as much even from his outsider's view. There's something about it that tries to suck out the soul, and it seems that no one is safe.]

these days I've been thinking musical reporter might be better.

It's definitely not for everyone. On the best days, it was like herding cats. On the worst, it was herding cats on speed.

[hey, she can still joke about stuff like that. That has to be a good thing.

Well, if it hadn't been hard to hold her tongue before, it's certainly gotten so now]

If the opportunity presents itself, you should go for it. You'd certainly be a lot better than a few I had the misfortune of having to work with it.

I only ever had to deal with Malcolm, Ray and the others on pot or mushrooms. I don't even want to imagine them on speed.

[Of course, he hasn't been through the living hell Mandy has, but it's still something of a thrill--at least, at this stage in his emotional development.]

it must have been terrible for you. Everything that happened, I mean. Drugs are fine, but when they start affecting your daily life...

[He shudders.]

I'm just glad you're still here. So many people let it ruin their lives.

I'm just glad I wasn't the one who had to deal with the cleaning bills after that. The plus side of bowing out of that side of things after awhile. I did a lot of 'vitamin shots' when things were busy and I had to stay awake to make sure everything got done, and fuck knows what was actually in those things, but they weren't actually any fun for me.

I don't think they've found a word to describe that particular sort of hell. I'm still not sure how I feel about the fact he survived the shit.

[not that she's sure 'Tommy' is actually squeaky clean like he pretends, maybe he's still got a habit, but he's alive and that's enough to make her sick sometimes, and she hates herself in moments for that considering how much she loved him]

Yeah. Well. I'd like to say that was a conscious decision, but it wasn't entirely. I'm fairly certain even if I hadn't wound up here I'd be fine, me and the cockroaches, impossible to get rid of.

[she has to make that sound funny, because otherwise it skirts the really unglamorous parts of heartbreak and at the very least she would need to be paying him to hear that]

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