bangitybang: (mild)
janus lefevre ([personal profile] bangitybang) wrote in [community profile] xistentia 2017-08-15 07:39 am (UTC)

[this is why we believe in rosie above all things ok!]

I have heard the process varies for people but I think the weird thing is that it varied even within me

There were years I spent thinking I had simply made up the person I was in love with. The objective reality was that he kept many secrets from me and many things I had not shared with him. Not small things. Matters of honor and principle. I had known there was a lot he wasn't telling me, but I chose to ignore it. Instead I filled in the blank spaces with childish inventions. Forgivable mistakes, romantic fantasies. Sometimes I still think that now. People fall badly in love with ideas all the time, and often enough their own. The trouble might have been that I didn't know it

Other times I think it was just grief in the classic way with all the stages. Crying at night until I would go to sleep, crying when my dreams turned bad, crying after I woke from them. After the first year, I learned to keep two glasses of water at my bedside to prevent dehydration. After awhile, you get tired of crying. You learn acceptance. Kubler-Ross, you might have heard of her?

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