2 truths and a lie; daemon: janad

[bangitybang]

[it's an odd combination of motivations that has janus sharing today. sometimes a mangling of boundaries is a good way of setting them.]

2 TRUTHS AND A LIE
Preferred Alias: Alias here

1. I can deconstruct an Oreo perfectly. I can separate both chocolate halves and the icing into three separate parts.
2. I have a tattoo of Disney's Timon and Pumba.
3. When I fell out of love the first time, everything changed because I came to understand that nothing changes. I was sad for years. When the sadness started to go, it left in starts and stops. Those moments of relief weren't because I had healed. It was only because I had forgotten for a short time that I had lost him. Every time I remembered, I lost him again. Often this would happen when I was dreaming. My mind tried to make sense of this by making up worlds where I could have what I wanted. But there is no such world. There is this world, and it is good enough.

One Of These Is A Lie

Comments

[bangitybang]

[this is why we believe in rosie above all things ok!]

I have heard the process varies for people but I think the weird thing is that it varied even within me

There were years I spent thinking I had simply made up the person I was in love with. The objective reality was that he kept many secrets from me and many things I had not shared with him. Not small things. Matters of honor and principle. I had known there was a lot he wasn't telling me, but I chose to ignore it. Instead I filled in the blank spaces with childish inventions. Forgivable mistakes, romantic fantasies. Sometimes I still think that now. People fall badly in love with ideas all the time, and often enough their own. The trouble might have been that I didn't know it

Other times I think it was just grief in the classic way with all the stages. Crying at night until I would go to sleep, crying when my dreams turned bad, crying after I woke from them. After the first year, I learned to keep two glasses of water at my bedside to prevent dehydration. After awhile, you get tired of crying. You learn acceptance. Kubler-Ross, you might have heard of her?

[hasitsthorns]

[ That first part especially hits close to home. She wonders, sometimes, if the people that love her actually love the constructed persona that she calls her. Though even to Rose, where that persona ends and the reality of herself begins its becoming more and more smudged together.

She's sure there are true parts about her that they love. But she's also sure there are invented aspects of her that they love as well, that even she doesn't realize are fabricated by their design.

It's tricky that way when you're a lying liar who lies. ]

You saw him through rose-tinted glasses because you wanted to.
I get that.

[ As an idealist, hoo boy. Does she get that. ]

And I have
The five stages of grief
but I don't think grief can be neatly defined into five stages, personally
at least not in my experience
or maybe I just never got to 'acceptance' and keep alternating through all the stages in-between
that's also a possibility. i like to be difficult in that kind of way

[bangitybang]

I painted a portrait on the surface of the pink glass because that's the kind of man I wanted. I think tinting takes more responsibility from me than it should. There's distortion and exaggeration, and then there's elaborate fiction. I think I was playing at the latter. I made up the story with the ending that I thought I would be happy with.

[it's interesting and strange to think, eight years later, that perhaps the story they'd make up now would be different.]

I think Kubler-Ross later relaxed on the rigidity of those stages so perhaps you're onto the same thing
I've seen people die angry or afraid. I don't think five minutes or five years would have pressed them to acceptance
I bet there's something you've accepted though. Some change.
If not death or the end of a relationship, you've gotten used to something
You've adapted
I bet!

[hasitsthorns]

Everyone likes happy endings.
Can't fault you for that, dude.

[ 'Dude' is gender neutral, right? She's pretty sure. ]

Probably!
If I hadn't, I doubt I'd be where I am now.
I think the people I met in Eudio helped me accept more, but it's still a work in progress.

[bangitybang]

[dude is quite gender neutral these days. well done, rosie.]

Eudio sounds like a good place, wherever that is

Have you ever conquered a fear, something concrete you can name
Like water or heights. Fire, stuff like that
I think, even phobic fears die in a way worth grieving sometimes
The things we're frightened of can be meaningful
I used to be very afraid of being laughed at, even though I covered it up with anger

[hasitsthorns]

[ Nailing it. ]

It was an awesome place.
I'll tell you about it sometime.

I wouldn't say 'conquered'
but I'm not as afraid of water as I used to be?
But it's a work in progress

I find being able to laugh at yourself helps a lot with that
Have you ever tried doing that?

[bangitybang]

I would like to hear about it.

[not enough awesome places in the multiverse.]

It's been a long time since I laughed at myself. Sometimes I try
But I think I'm just not very funny
I don't find myself very funny or my weaknesses
The whole idea has me making a face.
How did you come to that? Did you used to take yourself more seriously

[hasitsthorns]

i did, i think.
and then I met a man who
the first time he laughed at himself, i was surprised
but it was just so... genuine? he never got, like, upset about his mistakes. he just laughed them off and stuff never seemed to get to him
i realized i wanted to be like that too
i don't know if i actually am or just pretend to be really but

there were a lot of things like that i liked about him and try to keep in mind even now

[bangitybang]

That man sounds like a remarkable person
Although my perfectionism tells me that perhaps then he did not make changes that he should have.
Sometimes I think, you need to experience real regret and serious feelings to better yourself
I think that's how it is for me anyway
What was his name?

[hasitsthorns]

he had his flaws
a temper, for one. I think that almost just comes with the territory of being a werewolf though
and he probably felt regret, considering we met under... less than ideal but similar circumstances

his name was ren kazuki
but he went by the stage name 'luke johnson'
bc he told me the word johnson, once he found out what it was slang for, made him laugh so hard he shot soda out of his nose
he was the lead guitarist and vocalist for a rock band called puddle of paint

[bangitybang]

You cared for him and he cared for you then
And his laughter brought you happiness, even with nasal projectile fluids
Did you like his music?

[hasitsthorns]

Yes.
On all counts.

I have some of his music.
It's nice when I worry I might forget his voice.

[bangitybang]

I wish I had mementos from the people I love from home. You're fortunate
And wise to treasure these things for what they are

[hasitsthorns]

My guitar is his too.
It has special value, for that reason.

I'm sorry you don't have momentos though.
Maybe F.A.T.E.S. could try to retrieve some?

[bangitybang]

I wouldn't feel good about using her for that while we're in the middle of some kind of interdimensional war, but I like the suggestion
Thank you.
Can you play me some of his music some time?

[hasitsthorns]

Well!
Maybe after we help fight against D.E.S.T.N.Y. for a bit you'll be more alright with asking for a reward?

I'd love to!