[ it's a bit surprising how gentle kavinsky's hands are despite how adamant he is when he speaks. it's a dichotomy that confuses nico and he wonders what made the other boy so fiercely certain about this topic. nico still personally thinks that he'd rather avoid choosing if he can, but he knows kavinsky has a point. it's saddening, in a way, that life would make them creatures of choice. ]

I've made hard choices before, Kavinsky. I hate when I have to. That's why I can't help but wonder if it's easier to die than to choose. For me, death wouldn't be so bad.

[ a pause and he reaches back for the hand in his hair, intending to still kavinsky for a moment. ]

But I get what you're saying. I couldn't leave Will or Vex or even you to mourn me until my time does come. I forget sometimes, you know? When you're as connected to death as I am, it never seems as bad of an option as people seem to think it is.

[ because when one is guaranteed a position of power, of peace, of the ability to reign over the dead, death doesn't seem like such a terrible prospect. he's been promised a room in his father's palace, a place in the elysium fields, and so much more. but then he thinks about will's threat to follow him to the underworld, another othello, or how vex is already mourning the loss of people so important to him, it breaks his heart and makes him feel a bit selfish. however, there's one thing he knows, and that this conversation isn't the first time he's considered death over life if it meant something. after all, there had been a time when he'd been so close to throwing his own life away in order to ensure peace. he can't help but think if something like that should come up again, he wouldn't hold back. ]