xistentia | [open]

Entry tags:

[open]

Characters: Vex & you
Summary: It's been 20 days since Vex arrived in Xistentia, and nobody has seen or heard from Mark in all this time (for you animal-types, his scent is completely faded from Vex by now). It may be time to broach the subject or just hang out with the obviously in-denial fae. If you're a stranger to Vex, or don't know him that well, you may want chill with him on his beach-view porch, he's got cold beers. Ping

thefacelessevil if you want a special starter.
Date(s): June 18th, or dates approximately around then.
Warnings/Notes: death is a prevalent subject, some smut.

OPTION I

Vex's native look hadn't changed much since he first arrived, mainly because it was easier to hand-wash one set of clothes rather than a full wardrobe. He wasn't particularly in the mood to be vain, anyway. His routine hadn't varied much as he still felt more than a little overwhelmed and lost, as such he would go into town for supplies, occasionally scout the area, but in the late afternoons he'd watch the sunset in one of his porch chairs and a cold beer in hand.

He could see him out there in the sand, Mark had always loved the beach. Whether he was running around as a panther or a fae, kicking his feet in the waves, or relaxing in the hot sand, Vex saw him as if he were real. He never tried to go out to interact with the visions, he had a feeling he would spoil them or, even worse, they would disappear- like he had in the portal less than a second after Vex lost his grip on his hand.

If he was greeted while in this state it make take him a moment to hear or see, as he was so lost in this fantasy world that reality was very difficult to grasp. His daemon sat by the edge of the deck, a black short-haired cat with unnatural blue eyes which peered out at the ocean.

OPTION II

It was raining, but Vex did his shopping despite the weather. At least it was warm rain, though without an umbrella it soaked his clothes and made his flip-flops sound rather squishy as he walked. He didn't seem to care how much water he was tracking inside the buildings, even though which now had proper shopkeepers. Feel free to scold him for being so careless, or perhaps help him gather supplies.

Even better, offer him a drink and he may actually open up for more than only smalltalk.

OPTION III

Choose your own adventure! Vex can be encountered almost anywhere and he's always got his daemon with him, so go wild if you wish.

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[ Hammocks have never looked all that comfortable to Rafa. There's something precarious about the way they swing, and for all that they can be made to look nice with blankets, he can't see that they do anything an ordinary bed would not. With Vex, though, he might be minded to reverse that opinion. This is nice, and he finds himself snuggling closer. He pushes a kiss against his faerie's chest and then settles, letting Vex lean on him. His hands stroke idly over his sides. ]

Hello, tesoro.

[ Rafa's unicorn has settled beside them, and gone into a kind of sleep mode. Jessie keeps chasing the cat daemon around. She seems pleased to have found someone who actually plays.

Rafa lets the quiet stretch for a few moments. Then, softly, he says: ]

Mark is not here, is he?

[ Treasure? He didn't really feel like one, more like an old sack that had been washed ashore and left in the sun to bake. Weathered and torn, yet Rafa still adored him. Vex couldn't understand why, a part of him didn't want to because it was too much to comprehend. Still, he held him like a fae who wasn't about to let him go for the world.

Then in six words his heart was frozen. He was quiet and unmoving, eyes still closed, he listened for the familiar sound of Mark's laugh above the soft rush of the waves. It was there, wasn't it? ... wasn't it?

He didn't reply. ]

[ The lack of an answer is answer enough. Rafa lets out a breath, and carefully tightens his hold. He knows what Mark means to Vex. Mark is everything; Mark is who he loves, a love so great that no one can match it. Not for Vex. Rafa could try and try, and still fall short. He lets his eyes closed. ]

It is like with Hunter, and Dick. He did not arrive. He has not been with you since Eudio, since that is the last time his scent was strong. I am sorry, Vex. So sorry.

[ Rafa presses against him, cheek to his chest. He'll give what comfort he can, even if it isn't enough. It's the best he can do, for now. ]

[ Vex was quiet for awhile after Rafa spoke. It seemed as though he might never speak about this subject, but he found he was able to confide in Rafa. Perhaps because he lost Hunter in a similar way? ]

We were in the portal together. I couldn't hang onto him...

[ His voice sounded dead, completely devoid of any emotion or tone. ]

Sometimes I see him and hear him. Sometimes I feel his arms around me when I'm trying to sleep.

[ Rafa dislikes that tone more than he could say. He tilts his head up so that he can see Vex's face, but otherwise he's very still. The words send chills through him, reminding him of similar pain. He nods. ]

When I lost Shane, I would see him everywhere. I kept seeing again the moment when he fell into Fae. I would imagine myself a second faster, so that I could take hold of him and pull him from the vortex. I had things of his. His clothes, his journal, in particular. I wept over them, but I needed them. Because seeing him was a comfort, as well as pain.

[ The days of that pain are long behind Rafa now. He's more resilient to it these days, or at least he thinks he is. Hunter had been lost in the portal, but he has lost a lover before. He'd gotten Shane back. He'll find Hunter too. He can't think any other way. His arms have tightened a little around Vex. ]

Now I see Hunter. I remember his hand in mine, and then it was gone and I was here. I never thought to be in this position again. I am always losing them. I understand, Vex. I never wanted this for you.

I don't have anything of his. The only proof of I have of his existence is this ring on my finger.

[ He was trying not to think about the hole that was inside of him due to Hunter's loss as well, both hits were exceedingly miserable when he accepted them as reality. Mark's he was still... denying in a way. He talked about it now but he'd clearly shut down as he did so, as if he were reciting from a book rather than relaying what he was actually feeling. ]

It doesn't feel real.

[ Because he didn't want to make it real. ]

[ Rafa slides his hand over Vex's, his fingers brushing over that ring. He tilts his head up, leaning his chin against his faerie's chest. ]

You have more proof than that. You have memories, you have your own grief. He is out there, Vex. He is waiting for us to find him, and we will. I will get you back to him, one way or another.

[ He presses in closer, his body curving against the faerie's. ]

You know that I keep my promises.

Yeah, he kept his promises too.

[ But if you were dead, what good were promises? Maybe Rafa had an advantage since he was technically already dead, but so was Hunter... Vex slowly inhaled and shook his head slowly. ]

I don't want to talk about it, love.

[ This was the most he'd done and it was absolutely exhausting. He didn't want to hope that Rafa was right, that Mark was still alive and waiting for him, but he didn't want to argue because it meant saying Hunter was lost forever too. ]

[ Rafa reaches to touch Vex's jaw, to turn it and make him look at him. ]

I cannot believe they are dead.

[ He says it firmly, almost like an order. He can't do it. It would be too much to take in, the idea that he would never see Hunter again. He can't. He won't let his mind go there. ]

I will not. Vex, we need to fight this enemy and get off this world. That is the only way to get back to them. Please. I need you to be with me, we cannot give up now.

[ It takes Rafa back to those years without Shane, when everyone around him told him there was nothing he could do. He hadn't been able to accept that then, and he can't accept it now. Grief is a shattering thing. He cannot give into it, and can't lose Vex to it either. ]

[ Rafa was inspiring. The way he looked as he spoke was really what drove it home, it made his heart pound. There was security in following a leader normally, but Vex had been taught by the Dark Fae and there was nothing secure about anything with them. Even obeying an unaligned like Bo had gotten him into trouble more often than not, turned his world upside-down even. Where would Rafa lead him? ]

I'm here. [ He said, though there wasn't a lot of confidence in his voice he furrowed his brows and tried again. ] I'm here, alright? Look, it's easier for you because you've got... [ He just stopped there, since he knew there was no point to talking about Shane. He just sighed and closed his eyes. ]

I'm here, isn't that enough?

[ Rafa lifts his eyebrows. His hand is still on Vex's face, and he doesn't move it even now, but that turn of phrase seemed important. ]

Because I have what?

[ He lets that hang for a moment before shaking his head. ]

None of this is easy for me. Hunter was torn from me, and I am stuck here. None of that is easy. To give up on him would be the easier road, and I cannot do that. I need you to be strong with me.

[ Which means that just being here, alone, is not enough. Rafa wants Vex to believe, both in Mark and in himself. Doubt would keep people standing still, if they could stand at all. They need to do better than that if they are to find their loved ones again. ]

[ Vex puffed off a thick breath of air, as if that was the signal that he was going to blow off that question because he didn't want to get into it. But after a long lingering moment he finally spoke. ]

Because you've got someone who loves you to hold you at night.

[ And he would give anything to have that feeling again, the real feeling, not the tricks his mind was constantly playing on him. It sounded like whining, but he didn't give a damn at that point. ]

[ Rafa looks up at him. He turns it over in his mind and at first says nothing. He wants to say that how he feels about Shane makes no difference to his feelings for Hunter. He doesn't think Vex would understand that, even if he did. But there is also the element of comfort that lying with someone who loves you can bring, and he and Shane spend much time in each other's arms.

He nods, and then moves to slide his hands over Vex's. ]

Then some of my nights, I will spend with you. Then I can hold you, as well.

Would that help?

[ Vex was quiet, as if he was actually considering accepting that offer. As much as he had denied it in the past he knew Rafa cared deeply about him, maybe even loved him, but he had others and Vex couldn't deal with that.

He shook his head, the frown on his lips was deep. ]

Honestly, I don't do well with being part-time when it comes to the heart, love. You make it work with you and yours, but I can't. I suppose I'm all or nothing.

I'll survive, I always do.

[ Rafa lifts his hand to run his fingers along Vex's downward curving lips. The other wraps around Vex's hands, holding them tightly. ]

Is nothing truly better than something?

I know I am not Mark. I do not think you would want me to be. But I am here, and I would give you everything I can.

[ Perhaps that's not enough. Rafa would never leave the others he loves behind. He can't, even in his thoughts. If Vex rejects him because of that, there's nothing he can do about it. This is a part of himself he will never change for anyone. ]

You'd think I'd be grateful, yeah? 'n I am, blimey I never thought anyone could care about me as much as you do. [ His groan was slight, a bit frustrated and pathetic. His head tilted towards Rafa's hand as his eyes remained closed. He had to be honest with him, nothing less was going to work. ]

But I'm a selfish creature, luv. If I have you I want you all to myself. I want it all now that I've had a taste of what's that like, nothing less is gonna be good enough. He ruined me, I suppose.

If I have you in my bed one day, then not in the next, I'll go mad. You saw how I was with Shane and I haven't even made a real claim on you, I'd be a thousand times worse. You know I would. You've seen how awful I can be.

I know you want to take care of me, but it's best to keep us as we are. I don't want you to hate me because I can't share.

[ All things considered, this is going better than Rafa might have thought it would. Vex is calm, and Rafa hadn't thought he would be calm.

It's not what he wanted to hear. It's more or less what he expected. His eyes slide away and he nods, before pressing forward to slip his arms around Vex. He puts his head on his shoulder and a little sigh leaves him. ]

Very well. If that is what you want, I accept it. I will never leave him.

[ Not Shane. Or Hunter, or Nikolai. Not any of them. It's he one thing Rafa couldn't give anyone. ]

You will know where to find me, if you change your mind.

I know.

[ With Rafa he knew he'd never come first, and while he didn't believe he deserved to come first- after experiencing that with Mark he knew he could never go back. He had to now or be forever unsatisfied.

Maybe he was just meant to be alone. ]

Yeah. Thanks, love.

[ Defeated, exhausted, Vex sounded thoroughly done with everything though he was grateful for Rafa's care- it was difficult to express it. ]

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