First Song ♫ Video (Daemon: Apollod)

[hasitsthorns]

[ Hello, Xistentia!

For the most part, Rose has only graced the network with text based off the ice breaker games that F.A.T.E.S. encourages. Today, however, everyone is greeted by a video of the blond. She's pulling a Jenny ala Forrest Gump and appears to not be wearing clothes behind her guitar. She is, of course. A strapless bra and some underwear but the audience don't know that, which is just how she likes it.

The backdrop isn't her house with Vanyel, observant viewers who know where she lives might catch onto. It's actually the apartment she was designated when she arrived but had opted not to live in because of aforementioned prior arrangements. But now she's here and it has surprisingly good acoustics, so! She sets to playing the instrument soon as the video begins, melodic voice following soon after, ]

I woke up, on a wave that crashes, when will the tide return? And if you leave, with only ashes, can't rebuild what has been burned. And down the road, with all the seeds grown, and benefit of view we throw away, the things we want most, depending on our mood. I don't know where you are, I don't know where I'm going but I can't be that far from where your heart is flowing.

[ She continues to play until the song is finished. Once the last bars of the song hum in the air, she lifts her her gaze to look right into the camera. ]

Tell me, everyone. What does the word 'love' mean to you? Not a trick question, I promise, I'm just... curious.

[ There's a slight pause, as she looks away. Then brown eyes are fixed intently into the lens again. ]

Also, does anyone want to do one of those missions with me? I kind of want to get stuff done, honestly. Feel like I'm accomplishing something. Let me know. I'd be happy to do or help with whatever.

Comments

video;

[hasitsthorns]

[ Rose would probably like that reaction a bit too much, honestly, so it's for the better. Especially since that kind of attention has landed her in nothing but trouble lately. ]

Thank you, [ she answers, smiling a bit more sincerely than she might otherwise. Of all the things Mandy could have complimented,
it was her voice. That says a bit more than she even realizes. ]

I guess it does depend, huh? Some days I think it doesn't really a mean a whole lot, other days I think it means everything. Guess this is one of the days I'm feeling more the latter.

[smileslie]

[spending so much time surrounded by plastic smiles--wearing them herself--Mandy knows the real thing fairly well, and it's good to see it on Rose now]

You're welcome.

[it's just as sincere; she may have paid lip service to a lot of musicians in the past if they wore tight enough pants, but that was a long time ago. Now, even nudity won't keep her from telling someone when they can't carry a tune in a bucket. Well, probably not.

She sighs heavily, nodding]

Yeah. I've tried to tell myself it's just drivel made to sell greeting cards and to get us girls to sign a wretched contract without reading the fine print for...well over a decade now. Maybe one day I'll actually get myself to believe it. I'll probably have a bridge and a herd of flying pigs to sell you when that happens.

[hasitsthorns]

[ Rose has worn a veil long enough now to know how to tell the difference herself, in most cases. She'd be interested to know Mandy's of similar vein and the reasons why, exactly. ]

Well, one of the guys I'm with now doesn't really... Marriage isn't really either of our styles. [ She isn't sure about Farraige though, which. Maybe she should. That's a problem for future Rose to deal with though. Present Rose has enough on her mind without contemplating that. ]

Still a believer in love though, huh? Can't blame you. It's one helluva drug. Or so they say.

[smileslie]

I said it wasn't mine either, but it happened. And I can't even claim a spur of the moment Vegas affair neither of us remembered and got rid of as soon as we could. I got a proper proposal in the form of a song and it lasted five years Well. Three, three and a half when we were actually really together.

[she doesn't want to rant about how now she sees that it was a way for Brian to have power over her, even if it was only on paper, and that he'd used the open marriage talk as a smokescreen. Or maybe he hadn't, maybe he'd meant it at the time and just got lost. She'd like to say she understands him now, but she's sure he doesn't even understand himself. She'd also like to claim Ladytron doesn't still have the power to make her cry, but that would be one of the biggst lies she's ever told]

It is. And, having had experience with a fair number of others, I'd say it's one of the hardest to kick and not pick up again. The way I dropped it the last time certainly wasn't much prettier than what I've seen some of the junkies I know go through. I think, like the others, it's a lot easier to say you'll just be a casual user in theory than it is in practice. Like all those other illicit substances, it's got a nasty way of making you want it a lot more than you thought you would.

[she knows logically not everyone is the toxin Brian turned into, but it's hard not to be...well, the bitter ex. She hates that once more, she's fitting so well into the role she's sure he wanted her to fill]

[hasitsthorns]

[ That's something about marriage that worries Rose too, honestly. Not that she'd ever admit as such. But it does definitely feel... confining in a way that wouldn't be comfortable. Maybe with the right person, with the way things have been she wouldn't mind being married.

But marriage also seems like it has the tendency to change things. ]

I mean, I told myself it was just casual with my boyfriend when we first met. Now I'm going to his world. [ Not to mention, ] Then I I also got two boyfriends and just... wanted more. Why stop, right?

I can definitely see how it's addicting. Love.

[smileslie]

[Mandy can't keep herself from sighing. She doesn't believe that every one who does something like she did is just setting themselves up for heartbreak...but she believes 99% of them are]

Yeah. I actually...did something similar. We had an open marriage. I never fell in love with anyone else, but he did. I don't think he knew how to love two people at once. [or, really, how to love anyone but himself in the end. But that's another can of worms] I think it can be done, if you find the right people and you're all grownups about it. But it's harder than it should be. More love should always be...easy, fantastic. I guess I still want to believe it can be. Easy. Love shouldn't be something you feel like you're fighting with every day.

But I'm probably projecting and I'm sure you're not having half the problems I did. [but she's sure there's some problems, otherwise Rose wouldn't be asking everyone about love]

[hasitsthorns]

[ Mandy has every right to sigh. Rose honestly doesn't know how to do this polyamarous thing right, let alone well. It's been a bit of a learning experience, honestly, and she's... figuring it out as she goes along. Heartbreak is probably expected. Already an issue, if the content of her post is any indication. ]

I agree, [ she's a bit quick to say. It should be easy, fun. A many splendored thing. Though she's finding that it isn't quite as simple as she'd hoped. ]

But... I'm having problems, so. You're not totally off the mark, honestly. Just gotta' figure out the best way to work through them. Besides running away, which didn't work before and I promised I wouldn't do again. Because I do love him. I could love the other one, too, in time. Probably already do a little, if I'm being honest.

[smileslie]

[She'd wanted to just be the bitter ex here, really. She wants that idealistic girl she'd been to be the one in the right.

Mandy is probably the last person who should give romantic advice. Sexual, sure. She's happy and proud to dole that out. But...

She rakes a hand through her hair, chewing her tongue for a second]

My particular circumstances were...incredibly unique, so I can't exactly give advice based off experience. But there was a point when I realized things were changing in a way I hadn't expected, and I...just stood back and let it happen, instead of trying to talk to either of them. So, I suppose, if you trust at least one of them enough to start, I'd try to talk it out. I know that's a lot easier said than done, but it's that or you just...watch it fall apart and wonder if maybe you missed a chance to keep it together.

[hasitsthorns]

[ That does sound like Rose. Just... sitting back and letting it happen. Being passive, quiet. She had always thought it was better to blend in than stick out, it was always better to just stay quiet than cause waves. Even now, she had a hard time speaking her mind with her partners because she figured.

She's not sure, actually. She knows Vanyel loves her, that he asked her to be more forthcoming. She's sure Farraige would like that, too, but it still feels burdensome somedays. And there are so many things she still doesn't say. ]

I'll... try, I guess. After maybe a little time? Neither one of them has talked to me since we fought, so. I'm figuring they might still be mad about it all.

Maybe some space will be good, for a little bit.

[smileslie]

[Mandy nods, understanding at least the feelings if not the exact circumstance. She hadn't fought with both the boys, and she and Curt had somehow found their way back to each other pretty quickly even if not in that way. Probably just by virtue of shared trauma. Which was shite, but she was still glad she hadn't lost him too because she hadn't been willing to speak up about Brian's behavior]

That's all any of us can do. And it's more than...really any of my particular group did.

I could get ridiculously philosophical about the difference between physical and emotional space, but I don't think that's what you need. Just don't let yourself become a spectator in your own life. [she grins without mirth] But also take everything this jaded old broad says with a few grains of salt.

[hasitsthorns]

I think, [ she starts, but pauses. Unsure. ] I was? For a long time.

Then I wasn't, but... It's easy, isn't it? To sit back and let things happen as they will. [ Rose had spent a lot of her life on the run. She'd been gliding by, barely skimming the surface of what life had to offer until... Until Eudio. Until Vanyel and Farraige and Magnus and Alec and Kavinsky and Rafa and Vex and Caleb and Axel all the people she'd grown to care for so much in her time there. ]

I don't think I want to go back to that, really. But. Some space to breathe might be nice.

[smileslie]

[Mandy nods, not quite sure what to say immediately. A lot of her life, at least for awhile, was easy for many given interpreations of the word. And she knows most the reason she's avoided therapy even when she could afford it was that it was so much easier to hide in lies and dirty jokes.

Sometimes, she really does wonder if she's come as far from the shallow party girl as she wants to. Then she has a drink]

Yeah. I think that's why I went to a whole other continent, after...[she waves vaguely; she really doesn't think anyone deserves to hear about the whole shitshow. Even when Arthur asked--when he will ask? Christ, time travel is awful--he hadn't deserved to see the ugliness that way] I needed that much room to try to figure it out.

Anyway. Take care of yourself luv, and...[she hisses in a small breath, actually trying to be careful with her words for once. She's not good at this, opening up in anything but the most sordid and sensational ways. But she wants to be. Sort of. To be...not what Brian made her]

If you do need to spill about all this rubbish to someone, even just to have them sit there and nod and pour you a drink, or...to take you out to get you out of your head, you know how to get a hold of me.

[hasitsthorns]

[ Coping mechanisms Rose understands well. Honestly, she's already feeling the urge for a drink at the lounge. Maybe later. Maybe she'll pick someone up and forget, for a little bit, how fucked up everything is right now. ]

Thanks, Mandy, [ she says, sincerely. ]

And I appreciate that. Helps to know I got people to listen, even when I don't feel like talking.