DAEMON: Mjölnird

[drapes]

[ this was not a conscious posting. this was mjolnird deciding thor needed to do some socializing, get out there and share some feelings and make some friends and whine about family problems. he will not even be noticing that this was posted until the first comment alerts him. whoopsies. ]

RAINBOW MEME

Preferred Alias: Thor, Son of Odin, God of Thunder, Strongest Avenger

RED - Something about yesterday: I failed in my sworn duty.
ORANGE - Something you do well: War.
YELLOW - Something about your childhood: My brother stabbed me a lot.
GREEN - Something you learned last week: Like me, my brother doesn't perish so easily from stab wounds.
BLUE - Something you can't live without: People.
INDIGO - Something you watch: The stars.
VIOLET - Something you listen to: A minstrel troupe the Midgardians call 'Led Zeppelin'.

Ask Me About My Rainbow

Comments

[drapes]

Ever the over-achiever.

[dothelokimotion]

Some of us have to work for our achievements.

[dothelokimotion]

[ look it's what he's got to work with!! ]

It is no longer obvious to me. It used to be, but things have changed.

[ No, Loki ]

[drapes]

I remember very clearly being cast down to Midgard, stripped of all Aesir powers, and made to fight a giant metal death machine that shot solar flares from it's face, courtesy of my dearest brother.

Did that not count as work?

[dothelokimotion]

Yes, I rather enjoyed you coming back as a hypocrite. You and Father, who taught me everything I knew, suddenly turn around and decide my actions weren't good enough.

Though I appreciate Odin's honesty on the matter.

[drapes]

[ the stubborn part of him wants to insist that it was loki alone who changed, but the part of him that's finally managed to grow up a little after a millennium of being a princely brat knows nothing is so one sided.

loki had needed him and he hadn't noticed, hadn't been there. even if much of it is the bitterness that sprang from the revelation of his birth, and while thor could never have agreed to the atrocities loki had sought to preform, there was likely something else he could have done. could have said. could have stopped being so selfishly focused on his own drama to notice. it takes a few second for the response to come, thor looking over the text mjolnir's now screen-like side, a sadness building in him. ]

I've never wished you dead, Loki. Wished you'd stop whatever mad schemes you're up to, yes. But never death.

[ there's a lengthy pause, and the [ ... ] that shows the other party is typing, and deleting, and typing again, and thinking over whether he wants to send it or not. finally - ]

Every time you've gone from us, I've mourned you. You could die and come back a hundred more times and I still would.

[dothelokimotion]

I didn't want you to mourn.

[ As much as he . . . appreciates it? That it helps to know there is at least one existence out there where his life matters, Loki has never wanted that. He never wanted to leave a scar on Thor so deep that the ache never ends.

( or he did, he wanted that, he wanted Thor to think of him always, just like loki did, staring at his brother's back ) ]

But I don't think I ever understood what any of you wanted.

[ Was it to die? To live? To be a stolen relic, to be grateful for Odin's kindness in exchange for his breath? He doesn't know. When a life is built on lies, the questions simply do not end. ]

[drapes]

[ this sigh he lets out could probably be heard from every corner of the multiverse. this is not and argument he wants to get into, but it's one they've never really finished. or started? thor vaguely understood the offense loki took to it, the points made.

texting through a hammer seems like a dumb way to have this talk, but they have nothing else to do here except that, it seems. so here we go. talking. this is going to go G r e a t. ]

I foolishly went and started a brawl that would've made war. You pointed a laser beam at an entire planet. You have to admit there's some difference there.

Enough for what, though? We'd known the second Odin pulled us from Jötunheimr that he didn't desire any further bloodshed with the frost giants. [ the unsaid part - was it truly for father's approval, or for your own need? ]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Both. Neither. Loki just wanted them gone, wanted that entire race of monsters vanished so he never had to think of it, he would never have to look at himself in the mirror and know. It would have been easier if they were gone. And his plan, as king, was set up well. After all, Loki manipulated it so it could be construed as an act of war, not genocide, it could have worked —

But it did not. The anger simmers. ]

I really do not understand your sudden love for monsters, Thor. Didn't you split their skulls open with your hammer? What does it matter what I do to them?

[drapes]

I did, for love of my own glory, and was banished for it. You've scolded me enough on that topic to know it's an unworthy cause.

[ even that small a thing loki knew was deeply stupid, and no good reason to shatter a truce. if they're talking solely about doing things to win odin's approval and protect asgard, or speak to any kind of desired character. it wasn't for any of those causes, and they both know that damn well. ]

Are we not monsters to some? Would that justify them in obliterating our home?

[drapes]

Well, I've never been good at following your advice anyway.

[ whether loki wanted him to miss him or not, it's just the simple truth of it. loki had been his other half from the time they were infants to the moment he was exiled by odin. the boy he was before that would've never admitted to needing his little brother so much, but the years of being at war with him proved that beyond a doubt. ]

I can't speak to what our father or mother wanted of you, but as for me? I only wanted my brother.

[ nothing more than that. loki never needed to prove anything to him, and his blood would've changed nothing about who he was to him and what love thor has for him. hasn't still. ]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki says nothing for a long time. This is not a discussion he wants to hold for everyone to see. Even now, he cannot hear such sentiments from Thor without casting doubt. Loki cannot trust it, will not trust it.

Maybe I am permanently broken, he muses. Or at least something is, to continue this train of paranoia and doubt. It was always there, but never this bad. What he wants feels like a mystery, even to him. And Thor tries to make it simple. Loki cannot see simple for what it once was. ]

No, you were not.

[ It is deliberately cryptic and Loki leaves it at that. He can't do this anymore. ]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki bristles at the word monsters from Thor. ]

Whose is we?

[drapes]

[ you said it first, okay, and thor would never call loki anything close to that, doesn't understand how loki would ever think he could. ]

Asgardians, of which you and I both are. Princes and gods of the golden city. [ loki was raised in asgard's palace, it'd been his home and his people and his family since all the both of them could ever remember. and thor's brother. there will never be a time thor thinks of loki as anything but asgardian, and his kin. ]

That title is as rightly yours as it's ever been mine.

[dothelokimotion]

I doubt the All-Father would agree. According to him, my only legacy is to die on a frozen rock. His idea of mercy, no doubt.

[drapes]

[ thor isn't much aware of the others that can see this. knows it's public, yes, but isn't thinking of that at the moment. the opinions of others don't sway his thoughts or actions much, save for those loved by him. loki's always been the one more conscious of appearance.

still, he recognizes short, ending answers from his brother. loki isn't looking to talk about this, not right now, at least. ]

Well, disastrous mistakes seem to be my forte. I'd hate to disappoint now.

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki pauses, but he can't help himself. ]

I thought they were mine.

[drapes]

I seem to remember it was me that led us to Jotunheim and thus into war.

[ all the rest cascading from there. not that he's torturing himself over it, thor also has a much more lax outlook on grave mistakes than most. ]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Yeah, about that. Loki toys with the idea of telling Thor that he was the one who let the Frost Giants in but decides against it. ]

A war that never came to pass.

[drapes]

[ thor adores his father, looks up to him, aspires to him, but the past few years have taught him that even the all-father has errors in judgment. says the wrong words, does the wrong thing. he has no doubt that odin loves loki as deeply as he does thor, but arguing that to loki now, after all that's happened, seems fruitless. ]

I'd bet against you in that, but Odin isn't here to give comment. He's besides the point here.

You told me I came back a hypocrite and decided your actions weren't good enough. I came back as a slightly less selfish, pompous, vain ass. The same thing you'd been telling me to be for ages, Loki.

If I'd but known what you discovered on Jotunheim, I'd have stood with you to face father. Did you truly believe I wouldn't?

[drapes]

[ brobabe. hate to break it to you, but yeah. he fucking figured by now. despite what loki did to manipulate, the final choice and push was still his. ]

I'm not sure. I did lose my brother after, and the Bifrost was left crippled. Seems war-like enough.

[dothelokimotion]

[ Yes, he wants to say, and no. Deep down, he knows Thor wouldn't do that to him. Wouldn't have left him behind to face that truth, but Thor was gone, leaving Loki to wrestle with a truth that pervaded everything he knew, a weakened father lying in his bed and a strange skin underneath his heart, one he didn't understand, one that finally explained his shortcomings.

( or merely an excuse, a reason to blame something other than himself for falling short ) ]

Does it matter what I believe? It will not change what came to pass.

[dothelokimotion]

Is that what I was, then? A casualty of war?

[drapes]

Brother, you were a general.

[dothelokimotion]

Is that what I was, Thor?