DAEMON: Mjölnird

[drapes]

[ this was not a conscious posting. this was mjolnird deciding thor needed to do some socializing, get out there and share some feelings and make some friends and whine about family problems. he will not even be noticing that this was posted until the first comment alerts him. whoopsies. ]

RAINBOW MEME

Preferred Alias: Thor, Son of Odin, God of Thunder, Strongest Avenger

RED - Something about yesterday: I failed in my sworn duty.
ORANGE - Something you do well: War.
YELLOW - Something about your childhood: My brother stabbed me a lot.
GREEN - Something you learned last week: Like me, my brother doesn't perish so easily from stab wounds.
BLUE - Something you can't live without: People.
INDIGO - Something you watch: The stars.
VIOLET - Something you listen to: A minstrel troupe the Midgardians call 'Led Zeppelin'.

Ask Me About My Rainbow

Comments

[dothelokimotion]

And the list keeps getting longer.

[drapes]

Ever the over-achiever.

[dothelokimotion]

Some of us have to work for our achievements.

[drapes]

I remember very clearly being cast down to Midgard, stripped of all Aesir powers, and made to fight a giant metal death machine that shot solar flares from it's face, courtesy of my dearest brother.

Did that not count as work?

[dothelokimotion]

Yes, I rather enjoyed you coming back as a hypocrite. You and Father, who taught me everything I knew, suddenly turn around and decide my actions weren't good enough.

Though I appreciate Odin's honesty on the matter.

[drapes]

[ this sigh he lets out could probably be heard from every corner of the multiverse. this is not and argument he wants to get into, but it's one they've never really finished. or started? thor vaguely understood the offense loki took to it, the points made.

texting through a hammer seems like a dumb way to have this talk, but they have nothing else to do here except that, it seems. so here we go. talking. this is going to go G r e a t. ]

I foolishly went and started a brawl that would've made war. You pointed a laser beam at an entire planet. You have to admit there's some difference there.

Enough for what, though? We'd known the second Odin pulled us from Jötunheimr that he didn't desire any further bloodshed with the frost giants. [ the unsaid part - was it truly for father's approval, or for your own need? ]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Both. Neither. Loki just wanted them gone, wanted that entire race of monsters vanished so he never had to think of it, he would never have to look at himself in the mirror and know. It would have been easier if they were gone. And his plan, as king, was set up well. After all, Loki manipulated it so it could be construed as an act of war, not genocide, it could have worked —

But it did not. The anger simmers. ]

I really do not understand your sudden love for monsters, Thor. Didn't you split their skulls open with your hammer? What does it matter what I do to them?

[drapes]

I did, for love of my own glory, and was banished for it. You've scolded me enough on that topic to know it's an unworthy cause.

[ even that small a thing loki knew was deeply stupid, and no good reason to shatter a truce. if they're talking solely about doing things to win odin's approval and protect asgard, or speak to any kind of desired character. it wasn't for any of those causes, and they both know that damn well. ]

Are we not monsters to some? Would that justify them in obliterating our home?

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki bristles at the word monsters from Thor. ]

Whose is we?

[drapes]

[ you said it first, okay, and thor would never call loki anything close to that, doesn't understand how loki would ever think he could. ]

Asgardians, of which you and I both are. Princes and gods of the golden city. [ loki was raised in asgard's palace, it'd been his home and his people and his family since all the both of them could ever remember. and thor's brother. there will never be a time thor thinks of loki as anything but asgardian, and his kin. ]

That title is as rightly yours as it's ever been mine.

[dothelokimotion]

I doubt the All-Father would agree. According to him, my only legacy is to die on a frozen rock. His idea of mercy, no doubt.

[drapes]

[ thor adores his father, looks up to him, aspires to him, but the past few years have taught him that even the all-father has errors in judgment. says the wrong words, does the wrong thing. he has no doubt that odin loves loki as deeply as he does thor, but arguing that to loki now, after all that's happened, seems fruitless. ]

I'd bet against you in that, but Odin isn't here to give comment. He's besides the point here.

You told me I came back a hypocrite and decided your actions weren't good enough. I came back as a slightly less selfish, pompous, vain ass. The same thing you'd been telling me to be for ages, Loki.

If I'd but known what you discovered on Jotunheim, I'd have stood with you to face father. Did you truly believe I wouldn't?

[dothelokimotion]

[ Yes, he wants to say, and no. Deep down, he knows Thor wouldn't do that to him. Wouldn't have left him behind to face that truth, but Thor was gone, leaving Loki to wrestle with a truth that pervaded everything he knew, a weakened father lying in his bed and a strange skin underneath his heart, one he didn't understand, one that finally explained his shortcomings.

( or merely an excuse, a reason to blame something other than himself for falling short ) ]

Does it matter what I believe? It will not change what came to pass.

[drapes]

Yes, it does.

[ the entire point of them bothering to talk in this moment they've had between the never ending whirlwind of chaos that's been their lives since the day thor led them to jotunheim. odin, the avengers, and all the other powerful forces in the nine realms, thor believes, will be enough to contain any new damage loki causes. but even with that assurance, it remains that there's a rift in both their lives.

loki's gone spiraling out of control, into anger and sorrow and bitterness, courting madness in a way that had him dropping himself into the empty abyss below the wrecked bifrost. it's a pattern thor knows will end him sooner rather than later. and thor? he wanders the palace halls alone now. he fights off threats to peace on his own, adventures across the realms by himself, always that empty space his brother used to fill. ]

What you or any of us believed is what started all of this. And it doesn't seem we're going anywhere for a while.

[dothelokimotion]

Whether we are trapped here or not, I will not discuss it. I am tired of speaking and not being listened to. I am heartsore of it.

[ As inviting as that validation might be, to finally get the list of grievances off his chest, Loki does not trust this offer. ]

And I do not think you would like what I have to say.

[drapes]

You think I haven't been listening since this began?

[ since his return from his exile, anyway, when he'd finally pulled his head out of his own ass long enough to realize something was wrong with his brother. ]

I didn't ask you to make me feel better.

[dothelokimotion]

You listen and then call it my imagined slights. Forgive me if I'm not keen on hearing that it is all in my head.

[ That's the worst part of the madness, he finds. Loki himself can't tell the difference and it merely deepens the hole he has dug himself into. How much of what Odin told him was true? How much was anything Loki was told true? ]

[drapes]

I did, when you'd said I tossed you into an abyss.

[ he would never, not in any part of this fight would he. not after all the people loki killed, all the harm he's done, not even when he probably should have, when he'd have done it to any other enemy, would he kill his brother. ]

Loki, you let go.

cw: suicide idealisation

[dothelokimotion]

[ He inhales sharply. ]

So what if I did? It didn't work and no one came.

[drapes]

I came.

[ when the bifrost was destroyed, when he didn't have another way home unless he was able to secure the tesseract. he didn't seek out the infinity stone's energy, when he arrived, he sought out loki. ]

How would I have known you lived before you appeared on Midgard? How should I have followed you when I'd believed you dead, Loki?

[dothelokimotion]

You came for them.

[ And Loki has never forgiven Thor for that. His feelings for Earth. They came first and Loki despised that. He always will.

Deep down, Loki knows it's not rational. Holding Thor to a standard beyond all others. Thor is no stronger than the All-Father, no kinder than the Queen. Thor has his failing and Loki knows them all, meticulously mapped under his fingernails. No one knows Thor like Loki and that had been his beacon, his pride.

What good is it now? ]

Enough. We'll go in circles this way.

[drapes]

And who's the one not listening now?

[ he said he came for you, you butthole, you're the one deciding otherwise. and yes, they will go in circles this way, and thor's much more willing to, given his stubborn, bull-headedness that's only mildly softened in all his soul-searching, never completely going away.

loki does still know him, even if he'd had more sense knocked into him through humility, shame and pain. ]

Fine. What should we talk about instead? How I should be cutting my hair?

[dothelokimotion]

Is that really what's on your mind right now?

[ Though a part of him is still baffled Thor is taking this time. He had been so sure things would be over. That things are over. And yet . . . here they were. Loki isn't sure how to reconcile that in his heart. The fear is so well-ingrained in him now, the constant sensation of hanging off a bridge and being told no. Everything he does is to escape ever being in that position again.

And yet.

Thor was right. Loki wasn't listening. He didn't want to listen. He didn't want to get his hopes up again. He wants to go home, but he has no belief home wants him. He wants his brother, but can't shake that underlying unease of being pushed back into the background once more, a shade to Thor's greatness. He wants someone, anyone to acknowledge how fucked up the situation with Odin was, but no one would dare.

It is easier to close himself off than let any possibility bloom. He's frightened and Thor's presence brings back that hope and despair mingled in his chest. ]

[drapes]

Clearly not.

[ what's on his mind is all of the issue between him and his brother, what they left back home, what he'd felt when loki died in his arms, the things loki'd said to him. all of the above. how his hair should be styled is the last thing on his mind, but loki said 'enough'.

if the last few years have taught thor anything, its that pushing loki to submit to his demands is the fastest way to have him refuse out of spite alone. ]

We focus at the problem at hand, then. I'm sure you find the limits of a single city no more satisfying than the rest here.

[ maybe he doesn't want to go back to asgard, and at this point, thor's out of the will or energy to try to force him to return to his cell. but the both of them need to get off this planet and done with this war that's eating at the other worlds. that much is the same. ]

[dothelokimotion]

I have been in many cages. I may not want to stay but at the very least there is some measure of safety here.

[ Attacks from DESTINY aside. Granted, those seem to be appearing everywhere. Briefly, Loki ponders the fate of Asgard — but it's not worth it, going back down that road. Best to cut off all ties. ]