xistentia | Network Hack; Video; Daemon: YouveBeenGrinchd

[ Here is a green, hairy face, wearing a Santa hat, staring right into the camera. ]

Is this thing on? I'm ready for my CLOSE UP!

[ Camera lens: meet yellow eyeball. He sees you, he sees you – oh, wait, it actually is recording. He grins, backs up, and spreads his hands as if showing off his room. He's wearing a full Santa coat to match the hat. The rest of him is just long-limbed, green, hairy, and pot-bellied.

His room is dark, dank, and cluttered with piles of actual trash. ]

Greetings, one and all! Ladies. Gentlemen. Boys and girls. [ He says that with particular sneering venom. ]

I am the Grinch. No autographs. I hope you all enjoyed your little shindig last night. I've taken the opportunity to relieve you of your presents, no need to thank me.

[ Pause. ]

I said, no need to thank me.

[ There's some barking off screen, and then a little dog with an antler tied to his head runs into view. He tugs on a dangling rope, and piped applause fills the room. The Grinch gasps and clutches his face. ]

You're too kind. Now – cut that off – [ and abruptly, the dog lets go of the rope. The applause stops. ] – It has come to my attention that a bunch of you hitched a ride on my sleigh, without even paying the fare! Which was rude. I have bills to pay. Do you think I'm –

[ The dog barks again, and the Grinch refocuses. ]

All right! Ignoring that. Bottom line, you're now stuck in Whoville. FOREVER! [ He glowers into the camera, hairy lips pressed into a tiny line. ] You'll hate it there. It's so friendly, and noisy, and full of social interaction. Did I say noisy? Because - WHAT, Max?!

[ This, because the dog is barking again. He barks some more, and then the Grinch eyerolls his way off the camera. ]

Oh, yeah, those guys. [ Huge fake smile! ] And now a word from our sponsors.

[ The picture flicks off, momentarily replaced with a grey loading screen. Then, a brightly coloured and much nicer room appears. There's a wooden table filled with wrapping paper, scissors and sticky tape, and the background is decorated by tinsel, sparkling fairy lights and a Christmas tree. At the table sits a doll-like girl with pointed elf ears, a candystriped red, green and white shirt, and a red apron around her neck. Her hair is pulled into pigtails tied with tinsel, and her smile is bright and cheerful enough to hurt her face. ]

Hi everyone! Happy holidays!

[ Her head tilts to one side. Her eyes are so bright they're almost sparkling. ]

On behalf of D.E.S.T.I.N.Y, I'd like to take this opportunity to congratulate you on your recent rescue from the Prison World, Xistentia. We are so sorry for the stress this must have put you through! We'll be doing our utmost to make sure you stay safe and happy here in Whoville. Please, grab a room in the Whotel, and take advantage of the town's hospitality! It's a swell place. Have a great day! We hope you enjoy your stay.

Toodles!

[ She winks, and her cheerful scene disappears. The Grinch comes back, looking huffy and disgruntled. His arms are folded. ]

I hope you hate it!! Give my regards to Mayor Maywho!

Threaded | Flat

I already hate it. [ just being real about it, man. ] How many more Who puns are we queued up for?

Edited 2017-12-04 03:20 (UTC)

[ He may have followed half of that. ]

What presents?

ehy
did u kidnap a big ol blond dude a coupel weeks ago
kinda drippy
deprssed lookin all the time

[Alright, if puns are gonna be the name of the game here...]

Alright, so I gotta ask. Who's who in Whoville?

[ hm. okay. ]

Is that child meant to be ruler in this realm? Are you her herald?

[ is that ur boss, yo? he might be acting obnoxious on purpose, it is forever a mystery. ]

Edited 2017-12-04 05:48 (UTC)

[Cue one very unhappy human Marcus]Ugh, Fuck. At least this time it's not a nuclear winter.

"I'm here."

[everyone who knows her will probably be surprised to see Mandy looking properly pissed instead of just passively annoyed or exhausted. And really, she'd probably just laugh if her roommate weren't among the people who'd been taken, but he was so she's really not in the mood for this]

You know, normally, one who complains about money would be requesting a proper ransom. You're really rather shite at this.

[she's not addressing the creepy child for the moment. She's better at taking on sour people]

Not to be rude or anything, [ Which are words that Darlene Alderson has likely never spoken to a single person before. ] but what the hell exactly are you?

Knock-off Oscar the Grouch? A stray cat with radiation?

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