Network Hack; Video; Daemon: YouveBeenGrinchd

[grinchy]

[ Here is a green, hairy face, wearing a Santa hat, staring right into the camera. ]

Is this thing on? I'm ready for my CLOSE UP!

[ Camera lens: meet yellow eyeball. He sees you, he sees you – oh, wait, it actually is recording. He grins, backs up, and spreads his hands as if showing off his room. He's wearing a full Santa coat to match the hat. The rest of him is just long-limbed, green, hairy, and pot-bellied.

His room is dark, dank, and cluttered with piles of actual trash. ]

Greetings, one and all! Ladies. Gentlemen. Boys and girls. [ He says that with particular sneering venom. ] I am the Grinch. No autographs. I hope you all enjoyed your little shindig last night. I've taken the opportunity to relieve you of your presents, no need to thank me.

[ Pause. ]

I said, no need to thank me.

[ There's some barking off screen, and then a little dog with an antler tied to his head runs into view. He tugs on a dangling rope, and piped applause fills the room. The Grinch gasps and clutches his face. ]

You're too kind. Now – cut that off – [ and abruptly, the dog lets go of the rope. The applause stops. ] – It has come to my attention that a bunch of you hitched a ride on my sleigh, without even paying the fare! Which was rude. I have bills to pay. Do you think I'm –

[ The dog barks again, and the Grinch refocuses. ]

All right! Ignoring that. Bottom line, you're now stuck in Whoville. FOREVER! [ He glowers into the camera, hairy lips pressed into a tiny line. ] You'll hate it there. It's so friendly, and noisy, and full of social interaction. Did I say noisy? Because - WHAT, Max?!

[ This, because the dog is barking again. He barks some more, and then the Grinch eyerolls his way off the camera. ]

Oh, yeah, those guys. [ Huge fake smile! ] And now a word from our sponsors.

[ The picture flicks off, momentarily replaced with a grey loading screen. Then, a brightly coloured and much nicer room appears. There's a wooden table filled with wrapping paper, scissors and sticky tape, and the background is decorated by tinsel, sparkling fairy lights and a Christmas tree. At the table sits a doll-like girl with pointed elf ears, a candystriped red, green and white shirt, and a red apron around her neck. Her hair is pulled into pigtails tied with tinsel, and her smile is bright and cheerful enough to hurt her face. ]

Hi everyone! Happy holidays!

[ Her head tilts to one side. Her eyes are so bright they're almost sparkling. ]

On behalf of D.E.S.T.I.N.Y, I'd like to take this opportunity to congratulate you on your recent rescue from the Prison World, Xistentia. We are so sorry for the stress this must have put you through! We'll be doing our utmost to make sure you stay safe and happy here in Whoville. Please, grab a room in the Whotel, and take advantage of the town's hospitality! It's a swell place. Have a great day! We hope you enjoy your stay. Toodles!

[ She winks, and her cheerful scene disappears. The Grinch comes back, looking huffy and disgruntled. His arms are folded. ]

I hope you hate it!! Give my regards to Mayor Maywho!

Comments

video; bellamid

[rekt]

I already hate it. [ just being real about it, man. ] How many more Who puns are we queued up for?

[grinchy]

[ Well hey, look at the attitude on that! So angry. Such disinterest! It almost brings a tear to the eye. ]

Many. Half of them in song.

Lucky for you, they should still be crying over Christmas. You're welcome.

[rekt]

So long as they're not crying louder than headphones can cover up.

[ because he sure is digging out some earbuds right now and searching pockets to see if any of the music playing devices he looted came along with him here. anyway - ]

Yeah, about that. What's Christmas supposed to be?

[grinchy]

[ heh heh heh, headphones to cover up the crying. What a good i -

Wait.

Sharp turn. Neck straightens. ]

You've never HEARD of Christmas?!

[ What magical place is this man from? Can the Grinch go there? ]

No trees, no fairy lights, no carol singing?

[ video | sabellad ]

[dothelokimotion]

[ He may have followed half of that. ]

What presents?

[grinchy]

[ ........quickly checks to make sure they are indeed still in his pile of junk out back back yard. They are. All still good. ]

The Christmas presents from the ball, remember? [ Wildly gesturing. ] Huge pile of them, sitting under the tree? In the weird little social gathering you were having? Come ON, man! You have to try and keep up, I can't do all of the work for you.

[dothelokimotion]

[ Hmm. Loki tries to sneak a peek on that location. ]

Oh, pardon me. I am rather slow on the uptake. What work do you do again?

[grinchy]

[ Wow, rude!. ]

Hey! I'll have you know, being the town Grinch is exhausting! But what can I say. It's not just a job, It's who I am.

[ He wipes a tear from his eye, but then leans in, secretive, towards the camera. ]

But it pays jack, and the boss hates me. What's a Grinch to do?

text; un: moonshined

[pillz]

ehy
did u kidnap a big ol blond dude a coupel weeks ago
kinda drippy
deprssed lookin all the time

video!

[grinchy]

[ Squints at.

Stares.

W t f is this. Something about kidnap at any rate. ]

I might have. [ Spoilers: he did not. ] Why, what's it to ya?

[pillz]

im trying 2 fidn him
if eel like u would b good friends w him
he is also a pissy fucker
where did u put him

[grinchy]

The Grinch has no friends!

[ Angrily!! How dare you suggest anything else. Max, the dog, whines unhappily beside his leg. The Grinch ignores this, since come on, Max. He was making a point. ]

You're all in the same town. If he ain't in Whoville, he ain't anywhere!

[ Pause. ]

Unless he fell off the sleigh when we crossed between worlds, but no one's that stupid.

video; alvind

[cantseame]

[Alright, if puns are gonna be the name of the game here...]

Alright, so I gotta ask. Who's who in Whoville?

[grinchy]

[ Oh, well this one will fit right in. They'll love him. As such, the Grinch takes an instant dislike. ]

They all got 'Who' in their names, it ain't that hard to work out! The only name you need to know is mine, see. That's 'Grinch', with a G.

[cantseame]

Seems like you're someone who would've had a better disposition. I mean after all, there's a smile in your name.

[Well, he isn't giving up on the Grinch. Guy kinda reminds him of some old friends, most of them vaguely related to Big Foot.]

Big personality like that's gotta have a story. Care to tell it?

video; mjolnird

[drapes]

[ hm. okay. ]

Is that child meant to be ruler in this realm? Are you her herald?

[ is that ur boss, yo? he might be acting obnoxious on purpose, it is forever a mystery. ]

[grinchy]

[ Is he her - ]

Her herald?

No! The ruler of this 'realm' is the Mayor, I guess. I wouldn't waste your time talking to him.

The girl's an Elf on D.E.S.T.I.N.Y.'s payroll. Cute kid. Too happy. Never trust anyone who smiles that much.

video; marcus wright

[anewhero]

[Cue one very unhappy human Marcus]Ugh, Fuck. At least this time it's not a nuclear winter.

"I'm here."

[grinchy]

See, now that's the attitude? Seeing the silver cloud in a sea of grey.[ Dryly. ] You'll fit right n.

[anewhero]

What's the GOOD part in all of this?

[ Marcus growls which means this could be bad news. ]

Fuck this..

video; Gildad

[smileslie]

[everyone who knows her will probably be surprised to see Mandy looking properly pissed instead of just passively annoyed or exhausted. And really, she'd probably just laugh if her roommate weren't among the people who'd been taken, but he was so she's really not in the mood for this]

You know, normally, one who complains about money would be requesting a proper ransom. You're really rather shite at this.

[she's not addressing the creepy child for the moment. She's better at taking on sour people]

[grinchy]

[ Wait a second.

Pauses. Stares at her. Then, suddenly, bursts out laughing. ]

Wait wait wait! You think I'm gonna give them back? Where I'm from, little lady, forever MEANS forever! There's no ransom here!

[smileslie]

Oh, you think I'm a lady. That's adorable.

[that is said in the most horribly saccharine tone she can manage, the sugared poison she used to pull out just for men who thought she really was nothing but a dumb blonde]

It also means you vastly underestimate me, and everyone here for that matter, because there is no fucking way my flatmate's staying there, even if it means I have to break my hands to get him back.

[eventually it will hit her that she's threatening violence on Arthur's behalf in public which she hasn't done for anyone in quite some time]

video ; ciscod

[rootaccess]

Not to be rude or anything, [ Which are words that Darlene Alderson has likely never spoken to a single person before. ] but what the hell exactly are you?

Knock-off Oscar the Grouch? A stray cat with radiation?

[grinchy]

[ Wooooow. ]

Do you hear this, Max?! The NERVE of these people! Hey!

[ He holds up a hairy finger, glowering into the camera at her. ]

You're the ones that look weird! Look at all of you, with your tiny noses, and...bald patches.

[ He shudders. ]

Horrible things. You might even be uglier than the Who! And that's saying somehting.