xistentia | o2 ⚔ find someone to hold your hand

Entry tags:

o2 ⚔ find someone to hold your hand

Characters: Janus LeFevre & CR
Summary: Janus is leaving Xistentia to join their paramour back in their homeworld. They farewell to their lovers shortly before joining one last final mission in Panultima.
Date(s): Early February 2018
Warnings/Notes: NSFW nudity, some sexual content likely!

closed to rafaello;

[janus hadn't taken many people to their apartment when zeke was living here, and now that zeke is gone, it feels too empty. one of the reasons why they invite rafaello over, even if it's smaller and simpler by far than the lovely farmhouse where they'd gotten to sneak their callused hands into the vampire's tiny outfits. they lit some candles, changed the sheets, and then acquired a mammoth bouquet of roses and a bath bomb that turned the tub's contents a nebulae of purple and turquoise.

rafa hadn't taken too much convincing to disrobe and step into the water, alone-- at least for now, and they like the way that he looks, immersed in the rippling color, which leaves luminous flecks like mobile constellations on his little round arms and narrow chest. janus runs their fingers through the surface, skims the tips up rafa's hip, ribs. stops shy of making the final leap up to his chin. they look at his face.]

I have to leave soon, [they say, because they don't know what else to do when his eyes are bright and his hair is tied up like that, into a little bun, perched on the back of his head, setting his jawline off to such advantage. they don't know what else to do, when they know that the smile nested in his fangs won't stay.] Not tonight, I mean. But from Xistentia. I wanted to tell you.

closed to rosie;

[since the first-- rather embarrassing encounter at the citadel, they've met several times. janus has taken her out to eat now and again, expending as much effort and resources as you possibly can, considering that technically money doesn't exist in this city and barter is only a requirement to get better and finer than the baseline for survival. still, they enjoy her company— whatever is between them has seemed to be largely exempt from the sometimes tearful, sometimes naked internet, sometimes fantastically violent drama that revolves around rosie's life. they've fought in the same war, which was bad enough; it didn't have to get any more complicated than that.

but it did, of course. mostly, because janus has come to think of her as a friend.

today, they've picked a cafe along the edge of a lovely boulevard. tentative greenery on trees seem to be warring with a fuzz of frost. it's been a nice opportunity to wear a coat, which is black like all of janus' clothes, but heavy, unlike anything they got to wear at home in florida. they've threaded their arm through her arm and purchased a coffee for her that has both liquor settling at the bottom and a cream heart floating at the top, and asked to share some of it.] I have to tell you something, [they say, reaching to rub a pip of foam off her bottom lip.] It's-- important.

closed to era;

[once upon a time, a young genderqueer met with the warrior of light in the woods and provided to her some liquid chalk. they've only seen her around sporadically since then, as they had both been occupied with the defense of the city, and then the dozens of strange distractions that the world had to offer besides. they'd puled her into the orgy event, with a gentle warning, but separation had occurred almost immediately— after all, janus doesn't quite have the same restraints as she does. and there's a city to power with all the passion of sex.

but they're leaving now. so its daemon-to-daemon that they reach out again, for the last time. inviting her back to her old camp, where they'd met many months ago.

and on the tree stump where they'd sat before, there's a fresh glass of milk, another box of oreos. janus is sitting there, slightly slouched, their freckly nose turned toward the slow-rising sun. it's brisk, but the thaw is arriving over xistentia. janus brought a blanket in case, a big, heavy dark-red thing with tassels at the edges. they're waiting, in something of a reverie, but far more alert to subtle sounds in their environment than you'd guess just by looking at them.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ While Rose claimed she could be 'casual' and often fell extremely short of that reality, this has been a surprisingly nice exception to that rule. What she had with Janus always felt friendly and easy. Funny, maybe, that for as much as Rose claimed to prefer easy she seemed to choose partners where the very opposite was more often true than not- In this universe, or another.

Janus was decidedly separate and exempt from the emotional windstorm that Rose could be. It works best the way they've maintained it; while she could easily try and pursue more, it just hadn't ever seemed to click into place just right as it did with Vanyel, Farraige, or even Haneul. Which isn't a bad thing! In fact, after today- She might look back on it later as how it was meant to be from the beginning.

How it'd make the end easier to stomach. Of course, right now she isn't thinking about anything so final. The only thing on her mind is how much fun she's having, coffee in hand and Janus' arm linked with hers as they stroll along. In contrast to his coat, she's wearing something wildly inappropriate for the cold. Jean shorts and T-shirt, which is far from the most skin she's shown around Janus but. ] Alright, dude, [ he says, glancing up at them from her cup with a smile at the ready. ]

I'm listening.

[they smile at her. that's easy too, to look at; they have creases, not quite dimples on their cheeks, a crinkle to their eyes. it's not the face they remember from a long time ago, but it looks healthier when they smile, more boyish, less-- manically crazed, and they put it to good use.

they do look like the dude in 'all right, dude.']

I'm leaving, [they tell her.] I'm going back to my world. I'm-- I have a boyfriend. [despite themself, there's a slight lift to their tone when they end that statement. i have a boyfriend? as if they're asking her.] He's gone back already, and it seems like we undid enough damage that we're going to stay for at least awhile. So I'm going to go and live my life there awhile. I think...

[there's a lapsing pause. brief. they hasten, wanting to finish. their feet move steadier than their quiet voice does.] The life I'm going to live will be better for my having met you. And I wanted you to know that.

[ Janus, for as observant as they are, will likely pinpoint the exact fraction of a second that Rose doesn't like what she hears. Her smile wanes, posture gets just a minuscule amount tighter. 'I'm leaving' hits a lot harder than even she had anticipated. Most people don't get the chance to say good-bye, they just leave. Maybe she got used to that. While she always thought she'd have preferred to have the closure, now that there's an opportunity where she might she isn't convinced. This doesn't feel much better.

But 'I have a boyfriend' is where she softens again a little, less edge and more understanding. If Vanyel were to say he had to go home tomorrow, she... Would she follow him? There was a time that she had imagined that was the only place left for her in the multiverse but now things are different. She doesn't want to think about that, however, so- ]

Oh, [ she finally settles for. It's a lot more loaded than a single syllable, two letter word has any right to be. ] Who, uhm. Who was your boyfriend?

[ Because of her own relationship(s), it doesn't alarm her that they'd been taken. Though it sounds as if they weren't entirely sure they were themself even in going back to with them.
She hopes that works out, she does- But she's also maybe a little selfish and wishes that it didn't mean having to part ways. ]

[janus can tell, yes. it bothers them a little bit, in a way that wouldn't have ten years ago. ten years ago, they didn't honestly much care if people got snitty about what they did, because they were always certain of their own actions. they had their mission, and very little else. they'd cut out their own heart and sacrificed it for the mission, and then they'd never looked back.

but these days, they're a little less... well, if you asked the old them, they'dve said: it was a loss of discipline. soft-heartedness, maybe even weakness. but these days, janus thinks there's something to be said for grace.

they look around. find a couple of seats under the outdoor heater, padded chairs and a small table. they tug her gently to sit. they put their own drink down first, and don't let go of her hand until she's properly enthroned.] I don't know if you met him, [they tell her.] His name is Ezekiel. He'd an incubus, but in our world, like yours, demons aren't always malicious by nature.

[taa daaaaa]

[ The constant hold helps her feel just a little better. While she's not naive enough to think it'll somehow tether them to her, she's still grateful for it. It helps her feel maybe a little more at ease with the idea that she isn't losing them. Not necessarily. She's traveled twice now through the multiverse. Surely, there has to be a way to do it of her own volition. Surely, she'll find it and be able to visit all her friends someday. And she does consider Janus a friend. One of the better ones she's had, probably.

They start talking again and she barely registers the name. Ezekiel. The man who had known another her from his reality. Somehow, it hadn't occured to her that Janus might be from the same universe. Had they known that version of her too? She wants to ask about it, a little but- No. Focus. This isn't the time. This isn't about her. The point is, she remembers him. She also remembers... ]

Oh, my gods. [ A hand goes to cover her reddening face in an attempt to hide her embarrassment at herself. ] You're the one he was in love with. I, uh. [ How to say this? ] At the Halloween party, he told me about someone he was in love with. He told me that you didn't love him back and so, I. I may have. I may have said that someone who didn't love anyone as great as him was probably garbage?

[ Haha. Ha. Oops. She finally looks up over her fingers and he can see in the crinkle of her eyes that, despite herself, she's smiling. ]

Sorry, dude.

[at first, janus is deeply absorbed in her reaction. not wanting to upset her, knowing that they probably will, at least a little. years and years of training their observational skills have granted janus a remarkably keen grasp of the little tells that people have, for poker, for pain. it's not until later in their adolescence that they learned something of it for pleasure, and then later still that they began their study of real compassion.

they're worried, basically. but then she says that, and it makes them blinks a little, owlishly. their train of thought interrupted, and then-- a little surprise. they have to smother a laugh, keeping their coffee planted squarely on the table so no burning accidents happen to them or their coat.]

You were being protective of someone you cared about, [they tell her.] Against someone you didn't know. That's more than understandable. I imagine if I'd told you there was a strange man who insisted they loved me since I was a child, and it concerned me, you would've taken my side.

[it's mostly a joke, that they then exaggeratedly raise their eyebrows at her. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?]

[ Well, that's actually... fair. If Janus had come to her first about Zeke, it's very likely she would have told them the incubus was a creep and needed to back the hell off already if Janus wasn't feeling it. Rose is rather defensive of her friends; it's a lot easier to fight for other people's happiness than pursue her own. It always has been. ]

I mean. I guess.

[ No, she knows. So does Janus, she's pretty sure. Still. Some levity is necessary right now or else she might really be embarrassed about sticking her foot in her mouth yet again. ]

I didn't know you two were... invovled. [ There's a little retoractive guilt, maybe. Just a fraction of it though. If they had ever been exclusive, she imagines she would have known. Janus seems like the type to keep secrets, however, so it's possible that maybe she wouldn't have. It's a little hard to say. What isn't is, ]

All name-calling and assumptions on my part aside, I hope you guys can be happy back home.

[so self-deprecating. janus watches the minute changes on her facial expression, guessing easily the way that her train of thought is traveling. checking out the argument, trying to imagine the situations adjusting, trying to put herself in the new scenario, to see if she's any good, because on first pass, she doesn't think she's any good. they feel a surge of fondness for her in their heart, akin to the warmth they have in them when they think of rafa.

on impulse, they kiss her right between her eyebrows, their breath brushing warm through the blonde hair on the top of her head.]

Thank you, [they say.] I am a little afraid. I thought our lives were taking us in different directions, and perhaps they are. Perhaps we're only kidding ourselves. But I want to try. He's worth trying for.

[ While it's not expected, the gesture certainly isn't unwelcome. Her train of thought is sufficiently derailed and she instead just smiles. It's a bittersweet sort of thing though; she'll miss spontaneous kisses and sweetness from Janus likely even before she thinks she will. She'll have to find a way to visit, someday. Maybe she can even meet this other her that they and Zeke had known. Wouldn't that be something? Maybe her life is something a little more stable than this universe-hopping, heart left in many worlds version of Rose.

Or maybe she's just as much of a mess in different ways. That seems more likely, really. Never let it be said Rose isn't at least somewhat self-aware. ]

Isn't it a scary and wonderful thing? Finding someone worth trying for? [ She thinks immediately of Vanyel, honestly. She had never wanted to truly try until him. ] If nothing else, you can at least say that you did try in the end. That's more than most people have.

I'll miss you, but- At least I know you have a chance at being happier where you're going. [ She wishes, a little selfishly maybe, that she had the ability to make them just as happy. To stay. But she doesn't and for as hard as that is to accept- She does. Or she will, at least. ]

[look at rosie. learning and growing in leaps and bounds. not that they know what she was like before all this-- janus has only ever known her having met vanyel, known him, grown with him. knowing real love has given her the ability to know and appreciate the pain that others go through when it's taken from them, a ballast to her fear and turmoil that hasn't cost her her willingness to kill the enemy.

all things that they appreciate about her. what they want for themself, too, even though some part of them worries that it's moment like these, the scent of a woman's hair in their nose, the selfless sweetness of her good wishes, the tilt of her slim shoulders, and the faint unfocus in her eyes when she talks about them but is thinking of her own life and story. 'scary and wonderful.' they scarcely ever admit to anything being wonderful to anyone.

'scary,' well. that's right out. but they say,]

Yes, [and they mean it.] Exactly that. It almost feels like... [they pause, absent-mindedly rubbing their fingers on the long sleeve covering her arm.]

[ She's come a long way, anyone would say. It's still strange. After three decades of feeling practically stationary, Eudio and Xistentia both seem like they've gone by in a neck break pace. In the span of only a year and a half, she's done far more and made deeper relationships than in the thirty prior to it.

But that's not a bad thing. Not for Rose, at least. Scary, certainly, but not bad. Not really. Change was something she thought she was used to in her nomadic ways but failed to realize that even consistent change is just that: consistent. These multiversal hubs full of interesting, wonderful people like Vanyel and Janus and maybe even Vex (but only sometimes) have shifted her life and how she views it in extraordinary ways.

She'll always be thankful for that. And while she doesn't understand why all good things must come to an end, she's glad that she got the time with Janus she did after all. One of the many ways she's grown in the last year and some change for sure. The way she smiles at them is bittersweet whereas before it might've just been bitter. She lets them brush their fingers over her though, not quite yet wanting to let go even though she knows inevitably she'll have to.

'Just a little more' is usually carried away with Rose who has a hard time stopping herself but- She thinks she has the restraint this time. ]

Like fate? Or maybe even destiny?

[what a line to use in this world, and this time, with such people. like fate, or even destiny. janus hesitates for a moment-- for one thing, because of the implications and insinuations that that might inadvertently raise, albeit for audiences less sensitive and emotional than rosie is. but also, because they've always taken an oddly secular approach to even their owm mystical universe. maybe 'secular' isn't even right; cynical, maybe.

minotaurs and angels, they could understand. happy endings, less so. but they look at her, the curly gilded thread of her eyelashes, the brave smile on her face. they look at her trying. it's enough to make a man believe.]

Like fate, [they agree, finally.] Or maybe even destiny. [and then they put their drinks down— absconding with hers too. they pull her in firm against their chest, their arms finishing a firm circle around her. the faint scent of rummy mahogany and mineral metal comes out of them, sweet and dark. they hold her tight.]

[ She fits just as well as she always has against them. In a natural, fluid movement her arms wrap around them in kind and just as tight. She burrows her face into the flat of their chest and inhales deeply. It's a scent she's taken in many times and brings a saltwater sting to her tightly shut eyes to think it's one that will soon fade away.

Janus is not making it easy to say good-bye. But she has to believe, same as them, that maybe it is like fate. Or like destiny. That they're meant to leave and that maybe they were meant to meet. That maybe someday they'll meet again in this great, big multiverse out there. The chances of them coming together here were so astronomically slim so who's to say it can't happen again?

The blond gives another deep breath to suck back the tears she doesn't want them to see. She can save those until they're truly gone, she can be strong. She always has been, hasn't she? It might be a little muffled against their chest when she speaks again but, ]

Well, F.A.T.E.S. better at least have it so I can make sure you're okay. Or else I might have to have words with her.

[they smell the sweetness cupped in her pores, in her smooth forehead and long hair. she's warm and lovely, small enough that they can remember lifting her up. throwing her around a little, before they got back to kissing, the cinch of her muscular thighs.]

If she's listening, I'm sure she's afraid, [they say. and after that, they finish their coffee, watch her finish hers, and hold her for awhile, thinking about the chaos of panultima to come and the pain of separation to follow. there will be worse things, they know. there will be plenty of time to miss her in the years that follow.]

[ If one is ever worried about Rafa being stressed, or unhappy, or in any way emotionally unbalanced, the best way to solve it is by putting him in water. Either Janus is perceptive enough to know this, or they're very lucky. It's probably both, honestly. It smells good, and feels so warm that he considers sinking beneath the surface and staying there. He doesn't, mainly because Janus' fingers and scent and self are distracting. His hand chases the one teasing him, catching it and bringing it up to his lips for kisses. He's smiling, unsuspecting that this kind of occasion could lead to anything bad. He's considering just taking hold of Janus and pulling them in with him.

That stark pronouncement stops him. I have to leave is the very last thing he expected Janus to say tonight. Frowning, he sits up straight, sending disruptive ripples across the surface of the water. ]

Why? [ It doesn't properly compute. They've hardly known each other for any time at all. ] You know what we are doing. Our worlds are in danger, you cannot simply leave.

What has happened?

[rafa's displeased. his displeasure is like an iridescent bubble, surging, skewing, popping! with a little burst of water in the air. not violent, not the way that janus and rafa understand violence, but a sudden and disqueting nonetheless. it sends an odd frisson of tension through janus, which is-- odd, considering this is far from the first war they've been to, and yet.]

We recovered enough of it to go back. Myself and my-- Ezekiel. ['my ezekiel' wasn't really what they'd meant to say; that was them changing their mind mid-sentence. they reach automatically to touch glossy fingers to the peak of rafa's shoulder, trace along the smooth swoop of his shoulder to his jaw. fretful consolation.] If D.E.S.T.I.N.Y. returns, so will we. But until then, time can't move forward without me. And there's one I need to go home to.

[it's a peculiar admission for janus to make. janus, who's never known home anywhere, really, never mind located within a person. but it's strange on top of strange, for them to admit it and also to feel genuine guilt.

they probably should've known better than to get attached. same lesson when they were sixteen as now, at twenty four. their fingers leave liquid nebulae on the vampire's shoulder.] But I wanted you to know that--

[ His Ezekiel. So that's how it is. They belong to each other, and have responsibilities beyond what is here. Rafa sighs, and leans back in the bath. He understands that. That's the difficulty of it. Nothing that Janus says is unreasonable to him. It's all eminently logical.

If enough of his world was saved that he could go back, and find the rest of his family again, he would do the same. He knows he would.

He's only regretful of this for selfish reasons, and he knows it. He reaches to take Janus' hand, the one that's languishing on his shoulder, and he squeezes its fingers. ]

I will miss you. [ He says, and smiles. He doesn't know if that's what Janus had been going to say, but it's true for Rafa anyway. ] I do not want you to go, but only because I like you. I wanted to know you better.

But I understand, and I am glad that you told me. I am glad you did not disappear. Thank you for that.

This feels-- [janus' voice is warm as mulled wine. they scoop a palmful of water up over the vampire's arm, then lift a petal out of the water to enthrone it on the crown of his hair.] This feels like a low bar to have made it over. I can't imagine just leaving. And I wish-- [hunters don't wish. hunters live and die for their mission, so that others may live and die for their choices and accidents and fears and desires.] I wish I could stay longer, too.

[or maybe the truth is that hunters wish all the time. and those wishes tend to stay unchanged in time, the opposite of water or petals or wine, unfulfilled but accepted. they look at rafaello like they're trying to memorize him.] You're welcome.

Thank you for not being angry, I think, [they say, after a moment.] I think other people might have been. I wouldn't want to leave you on bad terms. [their eyes crinkle a little. it's not quite a smile.] I'd rather have a few hours or days to make-believe from, for years to come. Do you know what I mean?

[ Rafa sits forward to be closer, and moves his hands to Janus' waist. He draws them in, so that he can almost embrace them. ]

I cannot be angry when I understand.

[ He says, and leans forward to press an unfortunately damp kiss against Janus' shoulder. ]

You have people. You want them, you have obligations to your world. I understand all of that. One day, I will return as well. We would never have been going to the same place, you and I.

[ So they couldn't have kept each other either way, not long term. Long term is what really matters to Rafa. At some point, he would have had to let Janus go, and maybe it's easier this way. It's certainly not easier after a while, anyway. ]

Instead let me give you something to remember. No more pampering.

[ The fangs in his smile are a warning of mischief. Whether Janus notices that, or realises what it means, may impact on what happens next – or perhaps the speed with which Rafa tries to pull them, fully dressed, into the bath with him, will take them enough by surprise on its own. ]

[it shouldn't catch janus by surprise, and maybe it doesn't, exactly. there's a fat liquid slosh and a bloorop of water against ceramic. janus falls hands-first into the tub, their palms finding the bottom, squeak audibly through the thickness of water. they don't accidentally crack their chin open on his teeth, which is probably because they both have unimaginable, supernatural heights of agility and physical prowess.]

A wet floor? [they ask.] Plumbing problems. Complaints from the family of mice who live downstairs.

[but they smile at him and nip at his jaw, breathe into the crook of his neck, and then get their knees over the lip of the tub. slosh! slosh. it soaks through immediately, and then they're shifting so they can brace their weight above rafa. strip off their shirt first, then their trousers next. wet fabric slapping the floor, their hair already arrayed in pointy spikes when they duck down to steal some more kisses.]

[ That's better. Rafa sits beneath them, smiling up at a happier face. He reaches up, cupping the slope of their jaw and running his thumb across it. Light stubble. So light, it almost can't be felt in this warm environment. He feels it anyway, and tilts his head up into soft kisses that don't feel like goodbye.

His arms loop around their waist. He pulls them closer, and arches his back a little so that he can generate pleasant friction between their hips. One hand reaches, feeling along the side of the bath until he finds the bar of soap. He brings it along Janus' back, creating suds that he can get his fingers into and massage in a slippery trail along their spine. ]

Mice, indeed. I did not come around enough. I would have frightened them away.

[ He leans forward, grazing Janus' lower lip with his fang. His slippery hands sink lower, fingers pressing into their cheeks now. ]

This is a good position. Do you like it? Does the tub hurt your knees?

[ It has been a while since Era last visited her old camp site - not since the first snow, when the cold had been too much for her to bother with excessive time spent in the woods gathering supplies. Why would she, when she has a warm bed and a home to share with Aymeric?

She stops short when she notices the set-up, a feeling of nostalgia welling up inside of her. Era hasn't had any Oreos since the day Janus introduced them to her despite enjoying them. Aymeric, too, had quite liked the sweet biscuit, though they had never thought to find some more for themselves. ]

Janus.

[ She lifts a hand in greeting, then tugs the shoulder strap of the bag they gave her back into place as it shifts with the motion. Something about the situation seems odd. Very sudden, and... Era tilts her head to the side. Almost sombre?

She moves to sit next to Janus, bundled up in a coat thick enough she may as well be sitting on a cushion. It may be warmer (thank the Twelve) but it is still too cold for this Au Ra's tastes. ]

[somber is right. janus looks up, and it hurts their heart a little to know they may not see the diminutive dragon woman and her horn ears again. perhaps during this upcoming mission-- the one that she announced. but that aside...]

Era.

[they rise to their feet and fix a smile to their face, shifting freckles and cheekbones. they take a step forward to clasp her hand in customary greeting, before sitting with her. and after that, it's-- just easier, to go ahead and start pouring milk, splitting oreos, rather than talk immediately. they've always liked this about her, you know; the fact that she doesn't need to break the silence to feel comfortable. the birds sing, the trees whisper and click among themselves. janus' heart beats a little heavier in their chest.]

I'm going home, [they say, offering her the cup of milk.] For good, hopefully. We repaired it. It's safe now.

[ Era tilts her head, inclining it toward Janus as she listens intently to what they say. It's somewhat disheartening to know one of the very few companions she made here that don't prompt nor expect her to speak is leaving, but Era is more happy for her friend than anything else.

She is accustomed to loss, and losing a friend in this manner is better than the alternatives.

Era takes a sip of her milk, considering her words before speaking. ]

I will miss your companionship, but my heart is joyful for you, my friend. To hear that your home is safe brings both hope and comfort.

[ Her words are as earnest as ever; quiet in volume, loud with emotion, and spoken through lips curled in a gentle smile. ]

Perhaps I shall check in on my own home soon.

[she's always been the quiet type, but that only means-- for janus at least-- that when she speaks, her well-chosen words show care and truth. it puts a smile on their face, lighting up their typically somber, freckled features with cheer that makes them look their proper age. according to lore, twenty four-year-olds are supposed to be protected by a happier ignorance of the harder aspects of life than janus usually is.

wordless for a moment, they hold out an oreo to her. a drop of milk falls off the chocolate rim, hitting the earth to slake it with dairy freshness. but it'll still be crunchy, if she bites it soon enough.]

Are you-- what they call, a 'hugger?'

[ Era accepts the cookie, though waits a moment for it to get the slightest bit melt-in-your-mouth soggy. It's as her mouth is full that Janus' question reaches her and she pauses to consider it. Assuming 'hugger' means someone who enjoys hugs often and freely Era is not one, but if it's one who enjoys a hug every now and then when the situation is right then she is.

Also assuming that Janus is asking permission to hug her, Era nods. She may not be the best hugger - still too unaccustomed to them, if she's honest - but she enjoys the comfort they can bring. ]

[and they do. hug her. arms around her little waist, a firm circle of their arms, enough of a squeeze to convey the grief behind their happiness that they'll finally get to go home and be with the one that they love.]

It has been a great pleasure and an honor, to get to know you, [they say, leaning back again.] I know we come from very different worlds, but I recognized something in you. And I'm very glad to have met you.

[ There is an uncertain hesitance in her actions as she returns the hug, wrapping her arms around Janus' torso as best she can. Physical affection is still so new, but as with everything Era plans to do her best to learn how to improve quickly.

It's very different from when she hugs Aymeric - not only is her boyfriend taller and of a different build, he also has his own unique smell. Janus does too, and it's comforting in its own way. Whereas Aymeric's presence equates to comfort and security in addition to love, Janus' just brings and overwhelming fondness that isn't unlike when she thinks of Alphinaud or Alisaie.

Era exhales a breath she didn't realize she was holding. She is good with words when she has the time to consider them first, but thinking too much on what to say in this situation would make it feel less genuine.

Instead she simply settles for - ] Likewise, my friend. And perhaps we shall meet again one day.

[she's always been a woman of few words, and their friendship has been one more of small gestures and good alliance than much in the way of chatter. the sort of friend that janus didn't have many of, growing up in their homeworld. they're loathe to give her up now, the quiet ease of their connection and the certainty that anyone who faced them in combat would be hard-pressed to win. but they know that they must.]

Perhaps you'll be able to visit someday, [they say, releasing her out of the circle of their arms.] There are always monsters to slay, in every world. And you've always been terribly talented with finishing them.

[a small smile on their face, which is the equivalent of an ear-to-ear fangy grin on anyone else. they snap another oreo between their teeth and look at her with interest that doesn't disguise their sadness so much as it enhances.]

Edited (more words) 2018-03-09 09:54 (UTC)

[ It's... not an unappealing idea, visiting other worlds and offering her aid once the Ascian threat has been dealt with. Era doesn't know how possible it would be, and if it was it would require an enormous amount of aether (something she has in spade). Midgardsormr has traveled worlds, she knows, so he might have some idea. And perhaps her Mother would grant her the boon of a visit someday...

Of course this is all irrelevant if she forgets Xistentia and all it holds once she returns to Eorzea.

As Janus pulls away Era reaches for their hand, almost reflexively. Hand-holding is something she's grown accustomed to over the months she's spent here with Aymeric; a way to be close to someone for extended periods without pushing her past her comfort levels. Her hand is small and covered in callouses, but soft enough all the same.

She offers a somewhat rueful smile in return. ]

Perhaps. Hydaelyn is kind, and it is not impossible that she may facilitate a visit.

[ If there is one thing she has learned in her three years of experience is that anything is possible. Even her finding love beyond the platonic, which is something Era had never even entertained the idea of, but now she finds herself being courted by the Lord Commander and thoroughly enjoying it.

The Scions would be teasing her relentlessly, while simultaneously begging for gossip in their own ways. Lyse, Y'shtola, and Thancred in particular as the three were not above poking casual fun at Era for how much Aymeric adored her even back home - not that Era had ever thought much of it. She has always been rather single-minded about her training and heroics. ]

I do not believe I informed you that Aymeric and I are courting.

[ Era has told a few people of this, but hasn't advertised the relationship. Nothing has really changed, really, beyond Aymeric sneaking chaste kisses when he can, and Era kissing his cheek frequently in both farewell and greeting. They had already shared a bed numerous times thanks to night terrors and when in need of the added comfort.

Out of all the people she has told over the past few moons, Era wishes she thought to bring it up with Janus sooner. ]

[stories of hydaelyn's personality have always put a smile on janus' face. no exception now. benevolent gods weren't exactly an alien concept, but given that their morality is much about murdering for just reasons, it always seems to pull and tug at them in a strange, sharp way, to think that the greater powers of the multiverse bear anything resembling the softer parts of humanity, all the while the human world continues to spin with all its terrors.

not just human. janus just thinks of it that way, because there is so much about they, the sentient beings who avoid mortality and pursue happiness, that is human despite their many powers. it's bittersweet, much like having to say good-bye. but the next moment, the sweet is what keeps their attention.]

Courting?

[they can't help it. they've been with ezekiel for too long-- well, not long enough, but 'too long.' and flirting with rafaello, and speaking with rosie. their imagination immediately hijacks that word and thinks it must mean something smutty, their eyes crinkling with silent laughter.] Do tell me more. [there's a mild note of teasing in their voice. they put another oreo in their mouth, pretending to slouch. it'll only last a moment before they decide their back is too uncomfortable for this.]

In modern terms I believe it would be 'dating' with the intent to marry.

[ Her cheeks are flushed with embarrassment regardless, because this is still all so new to her - they've only just recently progressed to kissing each other (chastely) on a regular basis, after all. Physical closeness is still hard for her, but Era finds that Aymeric makes it easier. Instead of shying away from his arms she will actively seek them out, relishing in the comfort they bring when he cradles her close. ]

It has been a few moons yet it is all still very new to me. I am fortunate that Aymeric is so accommodating.

[ She's pretty sure Janus has met her beau. And if they have then they know how laughable the thought of Aymeric being anything but accommodating is. ]

[janus starts to smile. and once it starts, it's very difficult for them to stop. it grows wider and wider on their freckly face until their ears shift slightly on either side of their head. they're very pleased. so pleased they don't actually know how to talk about it for a moment. happiness has always felt like it belonged to someone else. people who had the right to lives outside of their mission and purpose, or perhaps those whose missions and purpose was happiness. it's a foreign way of thinking.

but they're happy for her, and after a long moment where they feel the feeling expanding warmly inside their own chest, it settles into focus.]

Engaged, [they tell her.] If you've made a promise to him. I'm very pleased for you, Era Ra. It's all that I could have hoped. A man worthy of such a long-standing friendship from you is quite a man.

[ She can't help but smile as well when she sees Janus' face light up, even if she's shaking her head at their conclusion. ]

Not betrothed, but courting with the hopes of eventually becoming so should we be well matched.

[ Deep down Era knows it is an inevitability that they will wed, but her insecurities are a weighty thing and in her mind she doesn't think herself to be the right partner for Aymeric. She is plain, awful at politics, would not make a good wife and not just due to being gone more days than not, and the probability of ever bearing him children is slim to none.

...But she's happy regardless, because she loves spending time with Aymeric. Even if it all goes horribly she will have good memories to keep close to her heart. ]

I've yet to meet a man of higher caliber. [ He would throw her to the wolves in a heartbeat if it meant saving Ishgard. It probably says a lot about her that that is the first thing about him that made her entirely flustered in the best of ways. ] If we are fortunate enough to meet again someday I will introduce you to him.

Ah, I see, [says janus, straightening slightly. because they do. they understand this very well, actually; they've been thinking for days about marriage, of marrying ezekiel specifically, knowing how important both love and such unions are to the demon and his religion. they know that it's an enormous and unusual gesture for they themself, to leave a tactical mission— even if there is reasonable justification-- in order to return home in the name of love. marriage is no more or less extreme, to their way of thinking.

and they haven't breathed a word to it to ezekiel.

impulsively, they reach out to grasp era's shoulder, firmly. they look at her unblinking in the eye.] I have great hope for the two of you too, [they say.] You've always been a good judge of character. [at least, she likes them, and they have enough belief in themself to feel that this is evidence of a generalizable talent. so sue them. poor self-esteem, they have not.]

[ Her smile, so bright and earnest when Janus grasps her shoulder and tells her their hopes, fades at what they say next - not so much in how wide her smile is but the sparkle in her eyes dims.

A good judge of character.

She thinks of poisoned wine and accusations, severed limbs and friends lost, bloodied corpses, deaths she could have - should have - prevented...

No, Era is far from a good judge of character. ]

I have great hopes for you as well, Janus.

Edited 2018-03-29 23:36 (UTC)

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o2 ⚔ find someone to hold your hand

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cw underage

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&fade if it's good w you

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this tag fought me hard but here you go!

<33

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