Vanyel Greyjoy (The Dragonborn) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
drehnifusbahi) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
xistentia2017-07-08 08:11 pm
drehnifusbahi) wrote in xistentia2017-07-08 08:11 pm
employment ama; daemon: zeymahd
Preferred Alias: Vanyel
Worst Job(s) Held: It's a toss-up between stable boy and fisherman. Guarding caravans had its moments as well.
Best Job(s) Held: Adventurer, Arch-Mage of the College of Winterhold. I enjoyed running my pub in Eudio, too. Oh! And fatherhood, though that probably isn't the sort of job this is talking about...
Fantasy Job(s): Arch-Mage is? was? more or less it, though I admittedly wasn't thinking of Winterhold necessarily.
Current Job(s): Nothing much, as of yet. I wouldn't mind running another pub, but without knowing how much time I could actually devote to it...
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I guess we'll see, [ she hums, thoughtfully, at that bit about them calling him their father. She doesn't think she'd necessarily mind but also worries about... imposing. She's actually worried about that with a lot of aspects of his life she'll suddenly be a part of. Someone had told her they didn't need to stay together for her to stay in his world, but honestly? She can't imagine not sharing it all with him at this point. ]
Really fucking awful? [ she supplies for him, voice muffled against his skin. She lifts her head to look at him. She's trying very hard to keep on a brave face but it's subtly cracking already. ] Yeah, it's. I got complicated ideas regarding family and what it's supposed to mean. Obviously. I just...
I worry that I'm too screwed up because of what my family did to me to have a family of my own, I guess.
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I suppose we will. [The children might not ever decide to call her anything but Rose, of course, but it wouldn't surprise him in the least if she did become 'Mama' to them sooner or later.]
Yes, that. [His hold on her tightens, and one hand starts to rub slow, gentle circles on her lower back, trying to offer whatever comfort he can. When she lifts her head, he leans down, just a little, letting his forehead rest lightly against hers.] For whatever it's worth, I don't think you are.
Someone who'd been through that and couldn't recognize how horrible it was, that there was no possible justification for doing that to any child, let alone your own... that person, I'd be concerned about.
[Because someone who didn't recognize how heinous an act it was might well take their father's example of discipline to heart, and follow it. But not Rose; the way she talks about it and the clear effect it still has on her are proof enough of that.]
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Too much. A minor freak out is inevitable, of course, because it's Rose and she worries she worries too much. Still. It's nothing that would make her run, she doesn't think.
The blond curls up closer to him at those gentle, comforting gestures.
She'll take all the reassurance she can get right now because this is... Well, it's difficult. Makes her feel vulnerable, which is always terrifying. ]
No, I. I mean, it took me a while? To realize what he did was wrong, that isn't my fault. Sometimes I still struggle with it, like. Maybe if I wasn't born wrong or maybe if I'd just pretended, then... It would've turned out alright. [ Her mother would still be alive, her father wouldn't have tried to murder her. But she knows in her heart she'd have been miserable living a life she didn't fit the mold for to begin with. ]
But maybe it wouldn't have, so. Who knows.
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He freaked out quite a bit himself, in the early days. Still does a little, every time he has to leave on quests, thinking of all the awful things that could happen in his absence. The trick, he's found, is to work through the fear and not let it overrun his good sense.
When she curls closer, he tightens his grip and and does his best to curl around her in turn. He can only imagine how difficult it is for her, talking about this. Reliving it.]
But you did realize it. [That's a big thing, an important thing - but those thoughts are derailed by what she says next. 'Born wrong.' How could anyone even suggest such a thing to their child...] Alright for them, perhaps. But you would never have been happy, would you, pretending to be someone you weren't?
[That's a rhetorical - how could she have been happy, in that scenario? How could anyone, when forced to live a lie? Though it might be a selfish thing to think at a time like this, he can't help but be grateful for his own mother's unconditional acceptance.]
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It's tricky. While she'd escaped to the human world because she didn't want to live as someone she wasn't, she also... wasn't really herself there either. She was a wolf in sheep's clothing, even if she was more sheep than wolf by nature.
In almost three hundred years, she'd only ever met one soul as displaced as she was. They didn't fit in either world and had to carve their own way. Charlie, however, was driven by hatred while Rose was driven by... Well, honestly, looking back at it she's not sure. Survival, perhaps. But was that really living?
She knows what drives her now. Love. Her packmates. The promise of a future in a world where she might actually get to be herself, true and free and happy. ]
I think sometimes I still pretend to be someone I'm not. With the glamour, with how difficult I can be. There's a lot of parts of myself I don't like still, that I want to hide.
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I don't know that that's quite the same, though? [One hand moves up to pet her hair as he continues.] With those things, there's at least an element of choice.
[And that doesn't sound quite right, now that he's said it. A little judgmental, even, which is the last thing he intends. So he plunges on-] I mean, as things stand, you have the freedom to... [He pauses, considering how best to phrase this.]
To learn to like those parts, if that's what you want. To make peace with them, if not. To wear the glamour or not. You have choices, and no one is going to take them away from you.
[Not ever again, if he has any say in it.]
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Part of her is scared some days that all this will end and she'll be left with old life. Hollow, cold, alone. Trapped. Dead. She tries not to dwell on that, however, and instead on Vanyel's warmth as he lies next to her and pets her hair so soothingly. ]
I hope I can, someday, [ she admits. Quietly. ]
Come to peace with them. Maybe. I don't know. [ There's so much she's still unsure about. ] But I guess I have you to help me figure out the things I'm not sure about, huh?
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Here and now, he keeps petting her hair, and presses a kiss to the top of her head for good measure.]
Of course. [He says, without the slightest hesitation. 'Always' is on the tip of his tongue, but what comes out instead is] For as long as you want me here.
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She hopes wherever the multiverse takes them, they'll at least be able to find each other again. But maybe that's too much to hope for. Who knows. ]
Always, [ she answers for him, actually. ] Not to get like... too sappy or anything, I mean. I just. I don't know, dude. It's getting harder to imagine a future without you.
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He smiles when she says 'always,' unable to help himself.] Not to get too sappy in return, but it's getting rather difficult for me to imagine a future without you, as well.
[Moreso since they came here, but even before... well, the fact that he'd wanted to bring her to Tamriel with him once their time in Eudio was done probably says it all.]
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Yeah? [ She questions, like she hadn't been sure. In a way, she hadn't. Rose either assumes far too much or nothing at all, it seems like. She had assumed it'd be better for Vanyel without her instead of consulting his feelings on the matter; on the other hand, she didn't want to assume he felt any kind of way towards her that he might not.
So it's... nice to hear. To be reassured that he's just as in love with her as she is him. ]
Guess we'll have to see what the future's got in store for us here, huh?
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Because he is very much in love, and certainly not about to give up on her.]
I suppose we will, at that.