xistentia | employment ama; daemon: zeymahd

[ She knows she could just ask him this since they're in the same house and all, but... Texting is easier. Especially for a question as loaded as, ]

What's your favorite thing about being a father?

Edited 2017-07-09 01:17 (UTC)

[She could, of course; but texting is much easier, given the topic.]

It's difficult to pick just one, but... I think, more than anything, it's been... being able to give them the sorts of things I never had growing up, material and otherwise, and getting to watch them blossom under my care as a result.

[Present and future tense, because he can't bear to think of them in any other way.]

Edited 2017-07-09 02:07 (UTC)

[ There's a lot of things that she tip-taps types on her phone but doesn't send. It's hard, honestly, finding the right words because this is admittedly a rather sensitive thing.

Eventually, she decides that this isn't going to work over text as well as she thought. Rose gets up - despite the protest from the Huskies who had been cuddled up to her - and finds Vanyel. ]

Hey, [ she starts. And for a moment, that seems to be all she might say. But, no, she does want to talk about this. About... them? It's difficult to wrap her head around still, honestly. ]

Do you think. [ Ah, gods, just spit it out. ] Do you think, uhm. The kids will like me?

[He sees the little repeated '...' that means she's typing, and only that, for long enough that it's not entirely surprising when she just pads into the room instead.]

Hey yourself. [He says, and automatically reaches for her, intent on drawing her down to cuddle up to him instead. (He's always been tactile, but it's reached new heights here; still, she has yet to complain, so he sees no reason to try and dial it down.)

He waits patiently for her to gather her thoughts, and cuddles her closer when he hears that question.] Yes. [He says, with no hesitation.] I'm sure they will.

[No 'I think' about it, apparently.]

[ Happily is she drawn into his embrace. She has recognized that he's been more affectionate than usual lately, but all things considered it isn't that surprising. Plus, it's not like she isn't agreeable to the intimacy. Quite the opposite, actually, especially when talk of heavy topics such as this come up. It's a small comfort in the face of discussing something so 'serious.' ]

I hope they do, [ she says, grip on him tightening just a little. A subtle sign of her nervousness. ] I'm not, like. I don't wanna' pretend to be their mom or anything, I guess. [ That's probably better left to one of the others, she thinks. ]

I mean, I never thought... I'd be be a parent? Mine were kind of like. They could've wrote the book on 'what not to do' as parents and I always worried I'd be like them even if I tried not to. [ Okay. Alright. Real heavy stuff incoming. ]

Remember that night I told you someone tried to drown me as a kid? It was, uhm. [ She buries her face into him wherever she can because looking at him while saying this is too difficult. She was a sobbing mess when she'd told Magnus and thankfully she has a better grip right now, but... It's still a very emotionally charged thing. ]

It was my father.

[His grip on her tightens a little in response, and he presses a brief kiss to her temple.]

About the only way you could make them dislike you is if you were cruel to them. And since I very much doubt you're going to be, I don't foresee any issues there.

[As to her pretending to be their mother.... ] They might surprise you, on that score. I didn't have any intention of trying to replace either of their blood fathers; I didn't even ask them to call me father or anything like it. They decided to all on their own. [So it seems entirely possible to him, that they might come to see her as their mother regardless.

He falls silent as she goes on; hearing her talk about her parents makes him all the more grateful for his own mother, and his aunties, even if thinking of them is more than a little painful just now.

Then she says that, and-] By the Eight... [He breathes, horrified, and hugs her closer still. ] That's... [Enough to render him speechless, apparently. Because what can he say, besides 'how could he?']

[ That almost makes her laugh. She smiles, at least. Being cruel isn't in Rose's nature. At least, not when she has the choice to be otherwise. She has been capable before of extremely cruel acts but that was only with her back pushed against a wall. When it was her or them. ]

I guess we'll see, [ she hums, thoughtfully, at that bit about them calling him their father. She doesn't think she'd necessarily mind but also worries about... imposing. She's actually worried about that with a lot of aspects of his life she'll suddenly be a part of. Someone had told her they didn't need to stay together for her to stay in his world, but honestly? She can't imagine not sharing it all with him at this point. ]

Really fucking awful? [ she supplies for him, voice muffled against his skin. She lifts her head to look at him. She's trying very hard to keep on a brave face but it's subtly cracking already. ] Yeah, it's. I got complicated ideas regarding family and what it's supposed to mean. Obviously. I just...

I worry that I'm too screwed up because of what my family did to me to have a family of my own, I guess.

[Hard choices, being stuck between a rock and a hard place... that's one thing. But cruelty for cruelty's sake? That, he's certain, isn't in Rose's nature.]

I suppose we will. [The children might not ever decide to call her anything but Rose, of course, but it wouldn't surprise him in the least if she did become 'Mama' to them sooner or later.]

Yes, that. [His hold on her tightens, and one hand starts to rub slow, gentle circles on her lower back, trying to offer whatever comfort he can. When she lifts her head, he leans down, just a little, letting his forehead rest lightly against hers.] For whatever it's worth, I don't think you are.

Someone who'd been through that and couldn't recognize how horrible it was, that there was no possible justification for doing that to any child, let alone your own... that person, I'd be concerned about.

[Because someone who didn't recognize how heinous an act it was might well take their father's example of discipline to heart, and follow it. But not Rose; the way she talks about it and the clear effect it still has on her are proof enough of that.]

[ She promises not to freak out if that does happen.

Too much. A minor freak out is inevitable, of course, because it's Rose and she worries she worries too much. Still. It's nothing that would make her run, she doesn't think.

The blond curls up closer to him at those gentle, comforting gestures.
She'll take all the reassurance she can get right now because this is... Well, it's difficult. Makes her feel vulnerable, which is always terrifying. ]

No, I. I mean, it took me a while? To realize what he did was wrong, that isn't my fault. Sometimes I still struggle with it, like. Maybe if I wasn't born wrong or maybe if I'd just pretended, then... It would've turned out alright. [ Her mother would still be alive, her father wouldn't have tried to murder her. But she knows in her heart she'd have been miserable living a life she didn't fit the mold for to begin with. ]

But maybe it wouldn't have, so. Who knows.

[She won't have to go it alone, that much he can promise.

He freaked out quite a bit himself, in the early days. Still does a little, every time he has to leave on quests, thinking of all the awful things that could happen in his absence. The trick, he's found, is to work through the fear and not let it overrun his good sense.

When she curls closer, he tightens his grip and and does his best to curl around her in turn. He can only imagine how difficult it is for her, talking about this. Reliving it.]

But you did realize it. [That's a big thing, an important thing - but those thoughts are derailed by what she says next. 'Born wrong.' How could anyone even suggest such a thing to their child...] Alright for them, perhaps. But you would never have been happy, would you, pretending to be someone you weren't?

[That's a rhetorical - how could she have been happy, in that scenario? How could anyone, when forced to live a lie? Though it might be a selfish thing to think at a time like this, he can't help but be grateful for his own mother's unconditional acceptance.]

I don't know, [ she answers.

It's tricky. While she'd escaped to the human world because she didn't want to live as someone she wasn't, she also... wasn't really herself there either. She was a wolf in sheep's clothing, even if she was more sheep than wolf by nature.

In almost three hundred years, she'd only ever met one soul as displaced as she was. They didn't fit in either world and had to carve their own way. Charlie, however, was driven by hatred while Rose was driven by... Well, honestly, looking back at it she's not sure. Survival, perhaps. But was that really living?

She knows what drives her now. Love. Her packmates. The promise of a future in a world where she might actually get to be herself, true and free and happy. ]

I think sometimes I still pretend to be someone I'm not. With the glamour, with how difficult I can be. There's a lot of parts of myself I don't like still, that I want to hide.

[Sad and downright painful though that is to hear, it isn't actually surprising. Not after all that's been said so far, after their little confrontation over her disappearing act back in Eudio...]

I don't know that that's quite the same, though? [One hand moves up to pet her hair as he continues.] With those things, there's at least an element of choice.

[And that doesn't sound quite right, now that he's said it. A little judgmental, even, which is the last thing he intends. So he plunges on-] I mean, as things stand, you have the freedom to... [He pauses, considering how best to phrase this.]

To learn to like those parts, if that's what you want. To make peace with them, if not. To wear the glamour or not. You have choices, and no one is going to take them away from you.

[Not ever again, if he has any say in it.]

Edited (closing tags, my archnemesis - now with bonus tense fail!) 2017-08-02 20:59 (UTC)

[ She hopes no one will ever take away her choice again.
Part of her is scared some days that all this will end and she'll be left with old life. Hollow, cold, alone. Trapped. Dead. She tries not to dwell on that, however, and instead on Vanyel's warmth as he lies next to her and pets her hair so soothingly. ]

I hope I can, someday, [ she admits. Quietly. ]

Come to peace with them. Maybe. I don't know. [ There's so much she's still unsure about. ] But I guess I have you to help me figure out the things I'm not sure about, huh?

[If he has any say whatsoever, she'll never have to. He may not be able to promise they'll never be parted -the business with the portal that took her directly here but detoured him to Tamriel proves that may not be up to them- but he won't leave her of his own accord, and if someone or something else forces them apart, he'll do everything in his power to find her again. That much, at least, he can promise.

Here and now, he keeps petting her hair, and presses a kiss to the top of her head for good measure.]

Of course. [He says, without the slightest hesitation. 'Always' is on the tip of his tongue, but what comes out instead is] For as long as you want me here.

[ Rose realizes it isn't truly up to them. Still, if he were to suddenly leave she'd do everything in her power to find him again. It's comforting, in a way, to know he'd do the same.

She hopes wherever the multiverse takes them, they'll at least be able to find each other again. But maybe that's too much to hope for. Who knows. ]

Always, [ she answers for him, actually. ] Not to get like... too sappy or anything, I mean. I just. I don't know, dude. It's getting harder to imagine a future without you.

[Depending on who you ask, his defeat of Alduin was in defiance of Fate, or the gods, or what have you. Defying it or them for her sake doesn't seem quite so daunting when he's already done it once.

He smiles when she says 'always,' unable to help himself.] Not to get too sappy in return, but it's getting rather difficult for me to imagine a future without you, as well.

[Moreso since they came here, but even before... well, the fact that he'd wanted to bring her to Tamriel with him once their time in Eudio was done probably says it all.]

[ Rose's very existence here is at the defiance of all those who've made claims on her life, so. She'd know that feeling all too well. ]

Yeah? [ She questions, like she hadn't been sure. In a way, she hadn't. Rose either assumes far too much or nothing at all, it seems like. She had assumed it'd be better for Vanyel without her instead of consulting his feelings on the matter; on the other hand, she didn't want to assume he felt any kind of way towards her that he might not.

So it's... nice to hear. To be reassured that he's just as in love with her as she is him. ]

Guess we'll have to see what the future's got in store for us here, huh?

Mm-hm. [Hopefully it'll help at least a little to have it said aloud; if not, he's happy to keep saying it until the message sinks in.

Because he is very much in love, and certainly not about to give up on her.]

I suppose we will, at that.

Fatherhood's a job just as important as any other, isn't it? Actually, moreso. And it can be an excellent one, too, from what I hear.

It has been in my experience - but then, I did get to skip over some of the more difficult stages, or so I'm told.

How does one skip the more difficult stages?

By adopting them when they're preteens. Not that there won't be difficult stages in the future, I'm sure, but I did manage to miss out on the early childhood ones.

Greetings, Ser Vanyel.

I have been informed by one of your companions that you are also from a world filled with 'swords and such'.

I am also an adventurer, and a grandmaster of magic. If ever you wish to discuss magic or swords and such [ she is never not going to find that description hilarious ] please feel free to contact me. I am Era Ra.

Well met, Era Ra.

[For a given value of met. Also, you just said the magic word.]

Grandmaster of magic? Can I ask what that title entails, exactly?

Mastery of arcane, white, black, and astrological magic. Hopefully I will be able to add red magic to that list, but it is a relatively unknown branch currently.

Not terms I'm familiar with, though I can at least guess what astrological magic entails, and I've heard healing and the like referred to as white magic occasionally.

What are black magic and red magic, though?

An Astrologian's magic involves healing and providing beneficial effects to targets by using cards based on the Arcana - the constellations of my world. It is quite unique and was interesting to learn.

Black magic is based on the destructive elements such as fire, ice, and lightning, and casting detrimental effects on enemies such as slowing them down or forcing them to sleep.

Red magic is a combination of both black and white magic. I have heard you need to maintain a balance of white and black magic, otherwise the caster will suffer ill effects.

Arcane magic is unaspected damage spells, spells that cause damage to a target over time, and summoning companions called Carbuncles. There are two advanced branches of it: summoning magic and scholarly magic. A Scholar's magic is based on mitigating damage and healing what can't be mitigated with the assistance of a summoned faerie. Summoning magic is more straightforward - using summons formed of a primal god's essence to damage targets alongside you.

Yes, it sounds like it would be. My world doesn't have anything quite like it - healing spells, yes, but there's no connection between the Restoration school I'm familiar with and the stars.

Black magic, though... that doesn't sound too dissimilar to Destruction, at least as far as the elemental spells go. Slowing enemies down or forcing them to sleep sound more in line with what I know as Alteration magic. Or possibly Mysticism, though I don't know enough about that school to say for sure.

We don't, so far as I know, have anything analogous to your red magic - which, I have to admit, makes me all the more curious about it.

That's interesting, that the two disciplines are combined in such a way. In the system I'm familiar with, all healing spells fall under the banner of Restoration, and summoning spells are part of a different school altogether - Conjuration.

The "essence of a god," though... what exactly does that mean? Conjuration as I know it is focused on summoning beings from the Oblivion plane, but they've little if any relation to the gods.

It is admittedly a rather strange school of magic. It originated in a nation that is very isolationist, and the woman who taught it to me did so at great risk to herself. Sharlayan did not want her to share their knowledge with outsiders, and they have assassinated others for doing the same. It is a very adaptable form of magic in combat, and the spells are rather beautiful.

Black Magic is known for its destructive power, so I imagine it would fall under your Destruction classification. Alteration would be altering the state of your target in some way?

The companions we summon do not come from another plane, though we do have magic users who try forbidden summoning rituals to bring Voidsent - demons - from the Void. An arcanist's summons are their aether given form, with aether being the natural energy behind both life and magic.

My world has what are known as 'Primals' - or less commonly, 'Eikons'. They are created in very specific circumstances. First there must be a moment of chaos. It must happen in an area with an overabundance of aether in the area - usually in the form of crystals - and people praying for aid from their specific god.

They are incredibly dangerous. They leech away the lifeblood of the earth. They will temper the minds of people, instilling within them a fanatical loyalty and creating another source of faith to power them. Few people are immune to the tempering process, but even those who are immune can have their aether stolen away if they are careless.

The most extreme example of the destruction a Primal god can bring happened in my world near eight years ago when Bahamut breathed his fiery wrath upon Eorzea before being sealed away. One large area of the Black Shroud was completely detroyed, the lands of Mor Dhona had large crystal fragments burst through the very earth and deform it. Coerthas used to be a mountainous region filled with green fields and is now unbearably cold, snowy, and barren.

It has been my duty to slay any Primals that are summoned in order to prevent such a thing from happening again. When a Primal is destroyed their aether disperses and I end up with the echoes of their aether lingering on me... Or something to that effect.

Using the echoes of the Primals I have slain, I can summon Egis. They are small versions of their Primal counterparts with a fraction of their power and only a passing resemblance in shape, colour, and preferred element. They do not come from another realm, but from me shaping the Primal essence that lingers on me into a physical form using aether.

My apologies if my explanation is confusing or makes no sense. Admittedly I can't entirely recall all of the details myself. A group of researchers had uncovered ancient texts describing the summoning art and had merely called me for my assistance once they learned of my skill in the arcane arts and slaying Primals.

It sounds like it would be. And the woman who taught it to you sounds very brave indeed.

Destruction is the school from which we get most of our battle magic, back home - which tends to be along the lines fireballs and chain lightning. Hence the name, I suppose. And yes, Alteration spells alter the nature of their target; that could come in the form of a paralysis spell cast on an enemy, or spells like Waterbreathing and Oakflesh cast on oneself.

I can't say I understand that completely, given the difference between the discipline you've described and the Conjuration I'm familiar with, but... I think I've got the gist. Conjuration is... more like a bargain, by comparison, between conjurer and summoned creature. We give them passage to the mortal plane, which they couldn't reach otherwise, and in return they do what we ask - up to a point.

And most conjurers I know wouldn't risk calling on any daedra more powerful than, say, a Dremora lord. Your primals, though... they sound as if they'd be on a similar level of power to the Daedric Princes themselves. And the last time one of them tried to cross from Oblivion to the mortal plane, it nearly spelled at the end of my world - not least because he made every attempt to bring an army of lesser daedra along with him.

Your Daedra sound like our Voidsent. They come from the Void, which is a dark realm that exists beyond our own. There are creatures there of varying intellect. I have met powerful Voidsent before, and they all seem to thrive on sowing destruction and feeding on the energy of innocents. Fortunately the intelligent and powerful ones are few and far between.

There are people who dabble with opening portals to the Void to bring forth demons to do their bidding. In most cases the ones who make these pacts with Voidsent are killed in horrible ways by the powers they wrought.

Edited 2017-08-07 00:58 (UTC)

That does sound familiar, though I wouldn't say the Princes all thrive on the things your Voidsent do. Mehrunes Dagon certainly does, as Prince of Destruction (he's the one I mentioned before, who tried to invade my world). But the other fifteen... in my experience, they're certainly dangerous and amoral, but for the most part don't care enough about us mortals to bother being actively malicious.

That can happen to conjurers in my world, as well. Probably why the sensible ones stick to lower level daedra - less chance of the creature turning on them in the first place, and less risk of it proving fatal if they do.

Are the Princes of your world gods of a sort?

There are quite a number of simple Voidsent roaming my homeland. Imps are particularly common, as are Ahriman and Foresaken Souls.

They're on the same level, at least. The Princes and the Divines were all originally et'Ada; it was the Elves who first named them Aedra and Daedra.

We don't have any free-roaming daedra in Tamriel, anymore. Stopping Mehrunes Dagon from invading meant destroying their means of crossing freely from their own plane to ours, but before that scamps and clannfear were fairly common. Today, the most commonly summoned are atronachs, which...I don't know how much higher they are in the pecking order, but they're a good deal more intelligent than scamps and clannfear were said to be.

They are two sides of the same coin then?

I don't believe there are any truly open portals between my world and the Void, though I cannot be sure. The places most infested by low ranking Voidsent tend to have been places where dark rituals were performed.

Do you know how Mehrune Dagon's means of crossing was destroyed?

I have never heard of scamps, clannfear, nor atronachs. Are they very difficult to destroy?

Essentially, yes. The differences are in their behavior, not their nature.

It happened two hundred years ago; I know how the stories say it happened, but I don't know how much truth is left in the tales at this point. But originally, the barrier depended on the maintenance of the Dragonfires at the temple of Akatosh in the Imperial City, by a line of Dragonblood rulers; so long as they burned, the denizens of Oblivion couldn't cross freely from their plain to Tamriel. The flames would gutter when the Emperor or Empress died, and could only be relit by their heir, bearing the Amulet of Kings.

During the times between the death of the old ruler and the crowning of the next, though, Tamriel was vulnerable - and so Mehrunes Dagon chose to make his move at just such a time. Emperor Uriel VII died, and by the time his heir was crowned it was too late to relight the fires, because Dagon and his armies were already coming through. The Champion of Cyrodiil disabled the Oblivion gates Dagon opened, and the newly-crowned Emperor took on Dagon himself and ultimately sacrificed his own life to send Dagon back to Oblivion.

The young Emperor died without issue, and the Amulet of Kings was destroyed in the battle against Mehrunes Dagon; his sacrifice sealed the barrier to Oblivion even with the Dragonfires quenched.

I can't offer much information about scamps and clannfear because they haven't been seen since. For atronachs... it depends on what type. They're elemental beings, and I've encountered flame, ice, and storm variants. Ice and storm atronachs tend to be more durable than flame atronachs, though not necessarily more powerful.

Edited 2017-08-21 04:11 (UTC)

employment ama; daemon: zeymahd

text; daemon: apollod

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cw: parental abuse

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daemon: anned

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daemon: emeraldd

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wow phone why did you send that early

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