daemon: gruntd, text

[upside]

Systems Alliance, come in. This is Lieutenant Commander Shepard of the SSV Normandy reporting.

The planet I've landed on is habitable. In fact, there are others here in the same position as me, though it appears all trace of the crew and ship are MIA. That -- probably means I'm the MIA one. I can only hope you're all still together, and in a beneficial situation. Planetary life here seems peaceful to some degree, but I'll stick to the book if it's necessary. I'm documenting plant life, animal genuses, and physical terrain, so you can expect some good reading whenever we meet up again.

Don't sweat. I'm fighting for Earth still, and I'll be back in the line of fire before you know it. Keep yourselves safe, be smart. Unite the alien races, you know the drill. Earth has its eyes on you, and humanity needs us.



To everyone else, hey. Know where a girl can get a decent drink around here?

Comments

[servomotor]

I'D BE SURPRISED TOO, BUT ASGARD'S A THING AND THERE WAS ONE TIME ON MY EARTH WHEN SPACE ELVES FELL OUT OF THE SKY IN BLACK SPACESHIPS AND THEY LIKED OUR ATMOSPHERE TOO.
SEEMS LIKE THIS COMBINATION OF OXYGEN, NITROGEN, AND OTHER GASSES IS WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER ACROSS THE MULTIVERSE. FUNNY THING.
I APPRECIATE YOUR PARANOIA.
AND YOUR PORN.
TURI WHAT.

YES. NO. THAT JET. THE JET I HAD SITTING ON MY HEAD. WHEN YOU PULLED ME OUT OF THE SAND.

[upside]

I've met a few different alien races across the galaxy that don't exactly find that combination beneficial to their pursuit of living.
At least three. But, in comparison to all the other races I know, you're probably right.
Turian. It's the first alien race we came in contact with.
Then the Asari. They look like blue women. Though cross breeding through different species is usually a losing bet, it's actually part of the Asari genetic code to be able to mate with anyone. There's some alien fun facts for you.

Ah. That jet.
That's your jet?

[servomotor]

CHICKEN DINNER RETRACTED FOR THOSE THREE RACES.

THESE ALIEN FACTS ARE EXTREMELY FUN. I HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT ASARI BIOLOGY AND THE EXTENT TO WHICH GENETIC DIVERSITY IS A CONCERN AT ALL WHEN YOU CAN DO IT WITH ANYBODY?

YES THAT'S MY JET.
I TRIED TO DEBARK THE WRONG WAY.
THANKS, BY THE WAY.
I CAN'T REMEMBER IF I SAID THAT EARLIER PROBABLY BECAUSE OF THE CONCUSSION.

[upside]

I had an asari woman in my crew named Liara, who would've been considered the derogatory term 'full blood' since her mother and father were both asari. From what I understand, there's a standard in place -- mating with other asari women means there's nothing added to the genetic code in offspring. The asari are a race very dedicated to their plight of knowledge and art and beauty, so they find mating with their own to be a waste. Also they live around 1000 years.

Happy to help. What's the damage look like?

[servomotor]

SOUNDS LIKE SOME PROGRESSIVISM TO ME. BEWARE THE LEFT. DO THEY ALL COME OUT BLUE AND APPARENTLY FEMALE WITH A THOUSAND YEAR LIFESPAN, NO MATTER THE GENETIC MIXING THOUGH? WHAT CAN THE OTHER RACES REALLY CONTRIBUTE TO THAT?


WEAPONS ARRAY IS FRIED AND STRUCTURALLY BEYOND SALVAGE FOR NOW. THRUSTERS AND STEERAGE MIGHT HAVE SOME HOPE.
I'D LIKE TO AT LEAST GET HER OFF THE GROUND, GET AROUND THIS PLACE A LITTLE EASIER ESPECIALLY IF THE ENEMY AND ITS FETCHING ACRONYM MAKES LAND.
ARE YOU A MECHANIC?

[upside]

Always female, always long lifespans. Some minor physical differences. Liara's father had a krogan parent, so she was slightly more purple on her skin. Mostly it's for empathy. Like I said, asari are always in the pursuit of knowledge, so having a parent from a different race gives them perspective and understanding.

You could say that. Tech was never my star subject, but I still learned it in N7 training.
I can keep a lookout for salvageable parts. How's the engine look?

literally opening firefly transcripts to find techy words

[servomotor]

SHE SOUNDS PRETTY. AND HER PEOPLE SOUND LIKE BUILT-IN GOOD GUYS.

THE ENGINE LOOKS LIKE A HOT MESS BUT MOST OF THE DAMAGE IS SUPERFICIAL. JUST CLEANING. THE PARTS THAT AREN'T SUPERFICIAL ARE COMPLETELY BURNED OUT. NEED A NEW PRESS REGULATOR AND CATALYZER. I DON'T KNOW HOW THE SUPER MAGICAL SPAWNING IN THIS WORLD WORK. I MIGHT HAVE TO MACHINE THEM MYSELF.

RELATABLE CONTENT

[upside]

She's very pretty. All the asari are. Last bit is up for debate.

Sounds like fun. Count me in?

[servomotor]

ANYTHING TO HELP YOU CONTRIBUTE DIRECTLY TO HELPING THE ALLIANCE.

(YOU GUYS ARE THE GOOD GUYS, RIGHT? EVEN THE NON-ASARI ONES.)

[upside]

Seriously?

( :| )

Do you want my list of good deeds chronologically or alphabetically?
I saved a cat from a tree once.

[servomotor]

(I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF THE TOGETHERNESS AND MORALITY OVERTONES THROUGHOUT THIS CONVERSATION, OKAY? I'M AMERICAN.)

AND RIGHT NOW I CAN'T TELL IF YOU'RE SERIOUS.

MY GUESS IS YOU ARE. WHAT COLOR WAS THE CAT? YOU DIDN'T USE YOUR POWERS TO DO IT, DID YOU? I'M NOT SAYING THAT WOULD DEVALUE THE GOOD GUY POINTS, IT JUST SEEMS EXCESSIVE.

[upside]

Ah, see. I'm Canadian. That explains it.

The cat was purple. ( she is funny. ) Don't worry about it. If you really want to hear it, hack my journal sometime and look up Sovereign and the geth, Harbinger and the Collectors, the Reapers. You can let me know if my resume passes inspection.

[servomotor]

I'M GOING TO ASSUME THE DEATH METAL BAND LINEUP IS PROPORTIONATE TO HOW SERIOUS THE THREAT WAS.

OKAY REAL TALK. I'M SKEPTICAL OF MILITARY BECAUSE MY FAMILY BUSINESS PRODUCED WEAPONS FOR THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA FOR DECADES. HASHTAG PATRIOTISM. BUT OF COURSE WE ALSO CONTRIBUTED DIRECTLY TO THE SUBJUGATION AND DEATHS OF THOUSANDS OF CIVILIANS AND ARMED OUR OWN ENEMIES IN WAYS THAT I WISH I COULD ENTIRELY BLAME A FEW UNSCRUPULOUS AGENTS FOR, BUT LET'S BE HONEST. WHEN THEY SAY WAR IS HELL, IT'S NOT JUST A TAGLINE. THEY JUST TEND TO LEAVE OUT THE HEPATITIS C, CARCINOGENIC CHEMICAL EXPOSURE, AND DESECRATION OF BODIES IN THE MOVIES. AND BOOKS. NOBODY WANTS TO READ ABOUT THE PROSTATE CANCER SIDE OF WAR.

I WANT TO BELIEVE YOU'RE A GOOD GUY. I'M MORE THAN HAPPY TO WORK ON YOU. I'M JUST

GIDDY.



IF THAT WAS JUST A LIST OF YOUR PREFERRED METAL BANDS THIS WOULD BE A GREAT TIME TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD.

[upside]

( struck a nerve, maybe. she probably should've taken more care in answering a bit more seriously. she's seen her fine share of the nasty in war, the struggle and the loss, the prostate cancer tony mentions. she gets his hesitance. she briefly acknowledges that she's never considered tony could be a bad guy -- patriotism, like he said. he wears it like his armor. )

If you fight to protect humanity, then we're on the same side. And if you're a good guy, then I'm a good guy. Let's exchange war stories sometime, I'll tell you anything you want to know.


Also
You're a manufacturer? I thought you were a solider.
What's with your suit?

[servomotor]

[She's being awful kind to him.]

GUESS YOU COULD SAY I PASS MUSTER.

[Aspirational good guy. Placated good guy! Thanks, Shep.]

NEVER ENLISTED. OR WENT TO OFFICER SCHOOL. BEST FRIEND'S AN AIRMAN THOUGH.
I'M A MANUFACTURER, I JUST ALSO GET MY HANDS DIRTY WHEN ALIENS TRY TO CONQUER/DESTROY/ETC. PLANET EARTH AND/OR THE LOCAL UNIVERSE SOMETIMES. FOUND THAT TRYING TO KEEP THEM CLEAN DIDN'T SO MUCH WORK OUT.
THE SUIT IS MY PERSONAL EQUIPMENT. ALSO KIND OF A CELEBRITY IDENTITY.

I GO BY IRON MAN.

I MEAN TONY STARK IS ALSO A CELEBRITY IDENTITY. I NEVER REALLY GOT THE POINT OF SECRECY.

[upside]

Iron Man?

( :3cccccccc )

I didn't know I was talking to a celebrity. Double celebrity?
So, without any military training, you made a super suit and hopped in, fighting malicious aliens to protect the world?





That's impressive. You might be more of a good guy than me.

[servomotor]

YOU HAVE GOOD SOCIAL SKILLS. BET THEY DIDN'T TEACH THAT TO YOU IN THE ACADEMY.
HERO IS AN ASPIRATIONAL ONE. I'M BUYING MY WAY BACK ACROSS THE TILTED SCALE A GOOD DEED AT A TIME.



P.S. NOT VERY NICE TO PRETEND YOU'VE HEARD OF IRON MAN.

[upside]

Some people are just naturally charismatic.
If you spend your life repenting, you're never really living, Tony.

I'm not. I just think it's funny that someone as tech savvy as you would take on a name featuring a material you don't even use in your suit.
Unless the compound of your iron is different from the compound of my iron. That would be awful confusing.

[servomotor]

TO BE FAIR, I LIVED PRETTY HARD BEFORE I CRAWLED ONTO THE SCALE. FUN WHILE IT LASTED. FOR ME.


NO YOU'RE RIGHT.
GOOD ZING, COMMANDER.
BRANDING, NOT ACCURACY. YOU DON'T HAVE MONIKERS FROM HOME?

[upside]

Old Tony sounds like a ball, I wish I could've met him. Maybe you'll dust him off for a little while, while we're here.

Alright, I can tell when I'm being patronized, Metal Boy. Tin Can? Steel Dude. Headbanger! Which do you like more.
I don't, but some of my friends do. Archangel comes to mind.

( which they also make fun of bc garrus vakarian u absolute edgelord. )

[servomotor]

IRON MAN IS EXPONENTIALLY COOLER THAN ALL THAT.
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A MONIKER AND IT'S GOING TO BE COOL.
ARCHANGEL IS OKAY, BUT I'M NOT ONE FOR RELIGIOUS OVERTONES PERSONALLY. OR UNDERTONES.

NEW TONY CAN HAVE FUN. AVENGING MANKIND CAN BE FUN.
P.S. MY GROUP OF EARTH'S MIGHTIEST HEROES WAS CALLED "THE AVENGERS."
COOL, SEE.

[upside]

I was pretty happy with Headbanger.
Alright, but it better be cool like you say. I won't settle for anything less than the best.

You had a nickname for yourself and your crew?
I must've skipped that lesson in Heroics 101. Usually people just called us a suicide mission, and I can't exactly fault them for that.
The Avengers does sound pretty cool, though. Who was part of it?

1/2

[servomotor]

STEVE ROGERS, AKA CAPTAIN AMERICA, AS PATRIOTIC AS THAT SOUNDS, CHEST LIKE THE TITANIC. THOR ODINSON, ACTUAL GOD. DEMIGOD? NOT CLEAR ON THE DISTINCTION. WIELDS MJOLNIR AND POWER OVER THE WEATHER, I SHIT YOU NOT. BRUCE BANNER, A MILD-MANNERED SCIENTIST. THE BLACK WIDOW, SPECIAL MANEUVER INVOLVES A THIGH ATTACK ON THE NECK VERTEBRATES AND SIMULTANEOUS ELECTROCUTION. HAWKEYE, WILLIAM TELL WITH A SIDE OF HIGH-TECH EXPLOSIONS, TRACKING OPTIONS, GRAPNEL ROPE, MANY TOYS IN A DECEPTIVELY SIMILAR FORMAT.

2/2

[servomotor]

MA'AM FATALE

[upside]

One of these things is not like the other. Mild-mannered scientist?
He's my favorite. I have a soft spot for underdogs.

( aw tony. that's pretty cute. shepard is smiling at her phone when she responds. )

Does that mean you're going to call me Ma'am from now on?