DAEMON: Mjölnird

[drapes]

[ this was not a conscious posting. this was mjolnird deciding thor needed to do some socializing, get out there and share some feelings and make some friends and whine about family problems. he will not even be noticing that this was posted until the first comment alerts him. whoopsies. ]

RAINBOW MEME

Preferred Alias: Thor, Son of Odin, God of Thunder, Strongest Avenger

RED - Something about yesterday: I failed in my sworn duty.
ORANGE - Something you do well: War.
YELLOW - Something about your childhood: My brother stabbed me a lot.
GREEN - Something you learned last week: Like me, my brother doesn't perish so easily from stab wounds.
BLUE - Something you can't live without: People.
INDIGO - Something you watch: The stars.
VIOLET - Something you listen to: A minstrel troupe the Midgardians call 'Led Zeppelin'.

Ask Me About My Rainbow

Comments

[dothelokimotion]

Mother would have never forgiven you if you had.

[ But that stops him short. He isn't sure anymore. Memories of his childhood have become questions and doubts instead of facts. ]

[drapes]

Mother would've assigned us another looming nanny to try to keep us out of trouble, and we'd have to slip that one the same as we did the millions before.

[ no matter if it was a gentle old lady or the fiercest soldier in the army, when the boys wanted to go out and adventure, nothing could stop them. ]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Talking about Frigga was harder than he thought. He could feel the sting behind his eyes. ]

We were terrors.

[drapes]

Truly. I doubt any parents in Asgard envied Frigga or Odin for their children.

[ they were rowdy, tricky, mischievous menaces, and spoiled brats the both of them. thor, certainly, but loki as well, even if he hadn't quite been the golden prince. they'd both been given rude awakenings from that as well, loki's considerably harsher. ]

But we did have our fun.

[dothelokimotion]

[ This was a trap. There were (still) memories Loki treasured. Held close to his heart. But they're always accompanied with a gnawing sensation that eats away at the nostalgia. How much of it had been real? How much had been Odin's machinations, trying to mold Loki into something else? Loki was too perceptive to believe along the way, Odin simply saw Loki as a son. What was his greatest ability also turned out to be his greatest weakness. Inviting that doubt in had soured everything he knew.

Thor had said once "Come home".

But Loki had no idea what home is meant to be anymore. And he wished Thor could see that. His thoughts fall into a deeper melancholia at that. ]

For a while.

[drapes]

[ thor isn't dense enough that he can't hear the sorrow bleeding from the other end of the line, realizes loki's only looking back on their memories as something regretful and painful, and the most of him wants to reach through their daemons and shake him. he's tried that already, it ended in new york city in ruins. ]

A handful of centuries. [ 'a while'. a long while, he wants to remind. not that it seems to matter much, and thor simply can't wrap his mind around how so much can just become irrelevant to him with one piece of new knowledge. for a long several moments, he's quiet, watching the ceiling and thinking on those lost years. ]

I'm many things people seem to overlook when my name's said, but liar isn't one of them. [ he speaks quietly, musing with a sadness in his voice. ] Our youth was the most true thing I've known.

[ even with the fights and the pranks between them, loki was the closest soul to him, the one who knew him better than anyone, the one constantly at his side no matter how arrogant and pig-headed he got. thor hadn't kept any secrets from him, and he always went to breakfast every morning expecting to see loki already awake, sitting across the table and snorting at the state his bed hair was in.

it's like the ground has fallen out from him since, continues to every time loki denies that past, and thor still hasn't found his footing again. with their parents so caught up being king and queen, they'd been each other's entire worlds. the thing thor hadn't said was the loki is home to thor, as family ought to be. ]

[dothelokimotion]

[ His smile is wry and bitter. As always, Thor thinks himself at the center of all things. Or the one with the means to fix it. Loki is hardly surprised. Thor had a tendency to barrel through. Even if he has gentled his manner somewhat, he doubts that will ever change. Thor's tactical abilities were meant for the battlefield, not his errant brother and the politics that complicated their lives. He runs his fingers through Sabella's fur.

Does it help to hear such things spoken out loud? Yes. In a way, Loki thrives on knowing Thor aches as much as he does, that every wound is mimicked, scar for scar, blood for blood (because they no longer share that common bond). Loki has never stopped loving Thor, but his head will collapse. He has barely scavenged enough parts of himself to form a new whole, a barely fleshed out person meant to survive this new landscape.

It is foolish (i am a fool) but he cannot be sorry anymore (i'm sorry, i'm a fool).

Still, Loki tempers his tone, soft. ]

I never blamed you for that.

But I don't think you fully understood what happened.

[drapes]

You certainly made it seem like you did.

[ thor snorts out in a short laugh, because loki had been all viciousness and sharp edges since the moment thor stepped foot on the bifrost after his exile. even after his father's explanation of the events that came before he'd fallen into his sleep, thor had been endlessly confused. he's worked out some pieces of it, knowing what he does about his brother, guesses at the paths his thoughts trailed on that drew him further down into darker and darker ends.

he wants to argue that yes, he understood, he understands, and it's a great struggle of pride and the stubbornness in wanting an absolute and firm stance, to just make him stop. his breath is held a while, forcing down those instincts, for how little they've served him with loki thus far. ]

Maybe I didn't. [ he tells him, finally, breath leaving in a slow but easy stream. something almost like surrender in it. ] So explain it to me now.

[ you have his full and undivided attention now. ]

[dothelokimotion]

[ His answer is a quiet huff at that. Considering the circumstances, Loki is hardly going to apologize. Trapped between two hard places, at the very least, Loki would weasel his way out into a deal. Still, it was a truth. Loki never blamed Thor for the lie. There were many other things to blame Thor for, after all. He wavers though, another Thor at the back of his mind, dark and merciless. The summation of all his fears under the Psy-Link, banished by Loki's hand.

Maybe he can try now. ]

Everything felt wrong.

[ It comes out as a stutter, fragmented breaths trying to piece together a feeling. Loki has always excelled in word-play, but that never extended to his feelings. ]

I didn't know what was real anymore. You, Asgard . . . everyone felt wrong. And that wrongness was in me. I always knew it was there — I never quite met the standards after all, but it was worse knowing . . . Every story, every moment became couched in shadow.

And I had no way of perceiving the truth. I can't tell.