daemon: beach boyd

[jungianthing]

calling all citizens of Xistengjdssd

(I forgot how to spell it)

I need a fucking roommate. rent shared equally. no ice cubes in the freezer and we drink beer at room temperature. problem? do not respond or in fact contact me ever about anything

I'm looking for a chill roommate who won't act like a little bitch when I wake them up at 3am to perform my impressions reel from start to finish. when I wake you up for this I want carefully considered constructive fucking criticism or you will be sleeping in the bathroom 3 nights a week until I decide I'm over it

GROUND RULES

1. the Coca Cola in the refrigerator is not for you. my doctor prescribed it to me and if you touch it I will know about it
2. if I ring the triangle in the kitchen it means you have to go to bed. it doesn't matter what time it is
3. you may have friend over but they have a 250 word limit. after that they're not allowed to speak
4. you're not allowed to be taller than me (I'm 6'4")
5. if you wear socks you better not zap me with static electricity or you're gone
6. got a bike? good. once a week youre gonna ride it in the street and let me sit on the handlebars
7. you can't own an even number of shoes
8. once a week we drag our beds into the living room and sleep out there
9. if you say good morning to me you must then explain what's so good about it or I will send you back to your room
10. I get four of your shirts, my choice
13. you must own 4 watches as I will be taking them and putting one on each of the neighbor's dog's arms
14. do not sit down in this house unless you want me to put on a dumb ass old timey outfit and shine your shoes
15. throughout the course of the week you will round up a minimum of ten (10) fluorescent tubes so that I may get drunk and smash them in the garage sunday nights. you will clean up the mess
16. also you must put a pillow over your face when you sleep as I do not care to hear you breathing
17. If I nail a rat to your door, it's time to pay rent. two rats, I'm having sex in there. a third rat, disregard the previous two

ABOUT ME

1. sometimes I am in the bathroom for several hours. I'm not shitting, I'm doing other things like taxes
2. I am a mean Marine and a merchant of death
3. I'm a dog person but I won't say no to cats
4. I am zany and amorous
5. I am from 1968. apparently that matters around here. you are contractually obligated to explain cultural references I don't understand
6. people call me Joker
7. my star sign is Leo. if you're thinking of responding just to talk shit about Leos go ahead. hate keeps me humble

that's everything
peace

Comments

[smileslie]

I made four men with completely different colouring look stunning in them repeatedly for almost three years. Trust me, given the time and materials I could have you fitting in to nearly any club in London in the 70s. Now if that's a good thing or not is maybe debatable.

It's been an extremely long time since turning a man on to a great album and offering to do his tailoring got me such praise, but I'll take it.

[jungianthing]

every time I get a message from you I feel like I'm ready for what I'm about to read but I never am

[smileslie]

Oh good, I'd be sorely disappointed in myself if I'd already stopped keeping you on your toes considering I was able to throw boys who wore a frock better than I could for a loop.

[jungianthing]

( daemon-siri what is a frock... )

What the fuck happened in the 70s? Holy shit

[smileslie]

The sexual revolution kept plowing on in all her glittering glory, smashing open closet doors as she went.

And drugs. A lot of drugs.

1/3

[jungianthing]

What happened to the peace and love thing
My girlfriend was super into that

2/3

[jungianthing]

Ex girlfriend

3/3

[jungianthing]

I'm single

[smileslie]

1. An optimist would say it continued on through to gay liberation and all other sorts of wonderful things. A pessimist might say it died a rather unremarkable little death sometime around 1975. Being contrary as hell, I believe a bit of both.

2. So am I. And bisexual and divorced, if either of those matters in any meaningful way.

[getting the dirty laundry aired before she gets to the more important of business of getting clothes off, as it were]

[jungianthing]

( this is a lot to take in and right now he doesn't feel like opening up a conversation involving phrases like gay liberation and bisexual because that's an internal thing, a James Only thing, and nobody who's alive right now or back home knows anything about it. so he's skim-reading, retroactively. )

You wanna get a drink?

[smileslie]

I thought you'd never ask.

Under any circumstances I'd mention that I run a club here, but that would sort of imply I was buying which I'm not. So I'll leave the choice of venue up to you.

[jungianthing]

( after a few minutes of digging around to find a nice place to take a pretty lady – )

alright here's our options:
1. there's a place called The Coven but I think it's pretty strongly insinuating that it caters to vampires which I'd call bullshit over if I wasn't currently talking to someone from my future and there's people who can do magic. and I've thought about it a lot and come to the conclusion that I don't really wanna get my blood sucked?
2. there's a store near my place from which I can purchase alcohol for consumption on my couch for an authentic me-in-college date experience

[smileslie]

You and I clearly had very different dates in college. But I'm sold, and I'll even refrain from the multitude of extremely witty but also extremely risque things that went through my mind at your description of that other establishment.

[jungianthing]

please never refrain from witty and risque comments

you free tonight by any chance?

[smileslie]

Remember, you asked for it.

Yeah. I'll just need to let my roommate know I'll be out for a bit so he doesn't worry.

[jungianthing]

outstanding
my place is at ( blah blah address goes here )
let's say 2100?

[smileslie]

Sounds grand. See you then.