Xistentia

1. the Coca Cola in the refrigerator is not for you. my doctor prescribed it to me and if you touch it I will know about it
2. if I ring the triangle in the kitchen it means you have to go to bed. it doesn't matter what time it is
3. you may have friend over but they have a 250 word limit. after that they're not allowed to speak
4. you're not allowed to be taller than me (I'm 6'4")
5. if you wear socks you better not zap me with static electricity or you're gone
6. got a bike? good. once a week youre gonna ride it in the street and let me sit on the handlebars
7. you can't own an even number of shoes
8. once a week we drag our beds into the living room and sleep out there
9. if you say good morning to me you must then explain what's so good about it or I will send you back to your room
10. I get four of your shirts, my choice
13. you must own 4 watches as I will be taking them and putting one on each of the neighbor's dog's arms
14. do not sit down in this house unless you want me to put on a dumb ass old timey outfit and shine your shoes
15. throughout the course of the week you will round up a minimum of ten (10) fluorescent tubes so that I may get drunk and smash them in the garage sunday nights. you will clean up the mess
16. also you must put a pillow over your face when you sleep as I do not care to hear you breathing
17. If I nail a rat to your door, it's time to pay rent. two rats, I'm having sex in there. a third rat, disregard the previous two

1. sometimes I am in the bathroom for several hours. I'm not shitting, I'm doing other things like taxes
2. I am a mean Marine and a merchant of death
3. I'm a dog person but I won't say no to cats
4. I am zany and amorous
5. I am from 1968. apparently that matters around here. you are contractually obligated to explain cultural references I don't understand
6. people call me Joker
7. my star sign is Leo. if you're thinking of responding just to talk shit about Leos go ahead. hate keeps me humble