daemon: beach boyd

[jungianthing]

calling all citizens of Xistengjdssd

(I forgot how to spell it)

I need a fucking roommate. rent shared equally. no ice cubes in the freezer and we drink beer at room temperature. problem? do not respond or in fact contact me ever about anything

I'm looking for a chill roommate who won't act like a little bitch when I wake them up at 3am to perform my impressions reel from start to finish. when I wake you up for this I want carefully considered constructive fucking criticism or you will be sleeping in the bathroom 3 nights a week until I decide I'm over it

GROUND RULES

1. the Coca Cola in the refrigerator is not for you. my doctor prescribed it to me and if you touch it I will know about it
2. if I ring the triangle in the kitchen it means you have to go to bed. it doesn't matter what time it is
3. you may have friend over but they have a 250 word limit. after that they're not allowed to speak
4. you're not allowed to be taller than me (I'm 6'4")
5. if you wear socks you better not zap me with static electricity or you're gone
6. got a bike? good. once a week youre gonna ride it in the street and let me sit on the handlebars
7. you can't own an even number of shoes
8. once a week we drag our beds into the living room and sleep out there
9. if you say good morning to me you must then explain what's so good about it or I will send you back to your room
10. I get four of your shirts, my choice
13. you must own 4 watches as I will be taking them and putting one on each of the neighbor's dog's arms
14. do not sit down in this house unless you want me to put on a dumb ass old timey outfit and shine your shoes
15. throughout the course of the week you will round up a minimum of ten (10) fluorescent tubes so that I may get drunk and smash them in the garage sunday nights. you will clean up the mess
16. also you must put a pillow over your face when you sleep as I do not care to hear you breathing
17. If I nail a rat to your door, it's time to pay rent. two rats, I'm having sex in there. a third rat, disregard the previous two

ABOUT ME

1. sometimes I am in the bathroom for several hours. I'm not shitting, I'm doing other things like taxes
2. I am a mean Marine and a merchant of death
3. I'm a dog person but I won't say no to cats
4. I am zany and amorous
5. I am from 1968. apparently that matters around here. you are contractually obligated to explain cultural references I don't understand
6. people call me Joker
7. my star sign is Leo. if you're thinking of responding just to talk shit about Leos go ahead. hate keeps me humble

that's everything
peace

Comments

Daemon: calypsod

[leovaldez]

I don't own four watches but I could make them.

Also, my name is Leo. Leos are the fucking best.

[jungianthing]

that's your ONLY issue with my rules??

[leovaldez]

I mean

Most of it's pretty ridiculous but whatever.

[jungianthing]

hey, I spent fifteen whole minutes writing this
I deserve a Pulitzer

daemon; Gildad

[smileslie]

[the fact that these are not the most unreasonable ground rules she's heard...say that she spent too long married to egomaniac addict.

If nothing else, reading it was a nice distraction from the hell of the last couple weeks]

Well, I'm almost dissapointed I'm quite happy with my current roommate situation, because I think I might like seeing you in some of my shirts.

[flirting is a coping mechanism, okay. At least that's her excuse]

[jungianthing]

( joker has no such excuses and isn't in the market for any either, good luck mandy )

I am in the market for new fashion... military fatigues only get you so far
describe your fashion sense in 3 words

[smileslie]

Oh, they've gotten plenty of people plenty of places in my experience.

Well there's a challenge. Sparkling, colourful, tight.

[jungianthing]

sure, but at some point they gotta come off

what kind of sparkling

daemon / dahliad

[monologue]

You're a real peach, Joker. All this sound just like living with my mom again.

[jungianthing]

your mom sounds hot

[monologue]

Rats and smothering you back with pillows. Match made in heaven or something.

So what's your impressions reel include anyways? Better be interesting if it's a 3am showing.

[jungianthing]

I'm still working on it but right now here's what I got

1) John Wayne
2) Bob Hope
3) Peter O'Toole
4) JFK or RFK, interchangeable
6) Bugs Bunny
7) Marlon Brando

daemon: moond

[grimless]

Oh!

This was a joke. Because you're Joker.

It was very funny.

[jungianthing]

some of it was a joke
it's up to you to work out what was and what wasn't

[grimless]

let's see. room temperature beer, i can believe. the bike ride sounds like fun, who wouldn't do that?

the rats. that's definitely a joke.

[jungianthing]

either it's a joke or you just really really want it to be
in the interest of transparency though, me and my buddies used to kill rats for fun so it's not completely out of the question

text, daemon: obscured 1/2

[repressings]

[ Okay that's--yeah, that's a lot--that's... is he serious? Is this guy serious? He can't be serious.

...Can he? Credence doesn't understand half of the things he's saying. ]

Mr. Joker,

We haven't spoke before, but I must ask: are you alright? I'm quite concerned for you after reading your habits. Is this perhaps a cultural thing where you come from?

Sincerely,
-C. Barebone

2/2

[repressings]

PS. Number 16 will surely kill someone.

[jungianthing]

in my culture we advertize when we want a roommate, yeah

DFJG I WISH I HAD SOMEONE WHO COULD RESPOND TO THIS BETTER ITS AMAZING

[helical]

Youre really not selling the deal

[jungianthing]

constructive criticism only please

[helical]

Maybe don't make it sound like living with you would be a living hell

text | daemon: emeraldd

[astralera]

[ there is a lot she doesn't understand about this, but first and foremost is: ]

Has rent been implemented just recently? I don't recall there being any before.

[jungianthing]

it's part of the comedy
the jest, if you will
the "jape"

( really though, no rent? he's living in a communist utopia, apparently. )

[astralera]

I am unfamiliar with 'jape'. I assume it is similar in definition to a joke or a jest?